By: Jake Thompson
Updated: Feb. 12, 2023
Originally Published: Feb. 12, 2023
For nearly eight years of marriage, I never made a genuine effort to celebrate Valentine’s Day with my wife. I’m sharing this not to appear superior but to connect with those who might find themselves in a similar situation. If you’re reading this and haven’t made a grand gesture for your partner, know that I was once there too.
When Sarah and I tied the knot, I was a college student. Once I graduated, she returned to her studies. Along the way, we welcomed three children and relocated several times, often without family nearby to help with babysitting. I often convinced myself that going out for Valentine’s was impractical; we were either too busy or too broke. In hindsight, I realize that we could have made it work. We could have dressed up and enjoyed a night out, but I wasn’t inclined to put in that effort. To be honest, I’ve donned a tuxedo only three times—at my brother’s wedding, my sister’s wedding, and our own wedding—and I detested each occasion.
Finding a babysitter seemed daunting, especially with people we didn’t know well. Yet, looking back, the real reason we skipped romantic gestures on Valentine’s Day wasn’t about finances or childcare—it was because I was simply lazy. And let me tell you, laziness doesn’t foster a healthy, long-lasting marriage.
Before I go further, let’s clarify what “doing something nice on Valentine’s Day” really means. It’s not an “I love you” text, a heart-shaped pizza, or a cheeky coupon for a back massage (which often turns out to be a gift for you, not her). It’s certainly not edible lingerie.
Doing something nice requires effort—a unique gesture that stands out. It could mean making a reservation at a restaurant known for its fine dining. If that’s out of your budget, consider something more personal. Organize a babysitter and revisit the place where you had your first date or shared your first kiss. Or maybe surprise her with flowers reminiscent of her wedding bouquet or a heartfelt photo album capturing your cherished moments together. Both options can be easily arranged online and won’t break the bank.
You may be asking, Why bother? Isn’t Valentine’s Day just a commercial holiday? Well, perhaps, but taking the time to arrange a special evening can convey deep affection.
My motivation goes beyond merely checking off a task on a list. A few years back, I decided to treat Sarah to an exquisite dining experience at a vineyard in Oregon. The restaurant was perched atop a hill with a breathtaking view of endless rows of grapes. It resembled a castle made of stone, featuring large windows all around.
We dressed elegantly and sat beside a crackling fire, enjoying our meals as the sun dipped below the horizon. Despite being married for over a decade, that sunset illuminated her eyes in a way I had never seen before. The warmth of her laughter blended perfectly with the ambiance, rekindling feelings of love for the woman who is the mother of our three children—a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a while.
I realize this may come off as overly sentimental, but the memory of that night is etched in my mind. It became clear that treating my wife on Valentine’s Day wasn’t a frivolous expense but rather an investment in our relationship. Particularly when parenting can become overwhelming, taking the time to see your partner in a new light is incredibly valuable.
In summary, taking action to celebrate your partner on Valentine’s Day can serve as a reminder of your love and commitment. Engage in meaningful gestures, and you may find that these moments strengthen your bond.
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