My husband and I are not particularly sports enthusiasts. Sure, we can recognize the teams competing in the Super Bowl, but that’s usually only during the halftime show. While our family enjoys being active together, participating in local races, our children have shown a preference for individual sports rather than team activities. And honestly, I’m perfectly okay with that.
Since we’ve had minimal exposure to team sports, we’ve been fortunate enough to avoid the drama that often accompanies local leagues and school teams. Stories about chaotic practice schedules, unruly parents on the sidelines, and kids struggling to balance academics have made me hesitant to encourage my children to participate in team sports. However, everything changed last year when my daughter’s shyness began to affect her interactions with other middle school girls. The social dynamics among tween girls can be challenging, especially for a reserved, book-loving girl who isn’t particularly interested in boys. During a discussion about how she could become more confident socially, she expressed a desire to join a team sport, believing it would help her connect with others. She asked if she could play in a local basketball league, as she has always enjoyed the game at school.
I enrolled her in a local team, and I was thrilled to see her teammates embrace her warmly. They were patient as she learned, and watching her excitedly chat with her new friends during practice brought me immense relief. We could do this, I thought. But my enthusiasm was quickly dashed at our first game.
I was taken aback by how openly some parents criticized the young players on the court. It was disheartening to hear them making rude comments about their child’s teammates. My heart sank when I overheard another mother make a derogatory remark about the number my daughter was wearing. Seriously, what is wrong with you, Sports Parents?
Have you forgotten what it was like to be a beginner? Just because my daughter is learning the game at 12 doesn’t mean it’s any easier than when your child was starting out at 5—or as some parents like to claim, since birth. In fact, it’s more challenging for her now, with a bleacher full of judgmental spectators (yes, that includes you) shouting that she isn’t performing well. My courageous, shy daughter has to filter out negativity from the sidelines, and I’m going to need you to step back if you can’t support her positively.
Before you shout at a child for a mistake from the sidelines, consider that they may be battling their own fears. You don’t know what courage it took for that young player to even step onto the court. If you feel the urge to criticize, ask yourself if there’s a way you can help that child improve their skills rather than tearing them down. If you’re so adept at basketball, why not share your knowledge constructively?
And when your star player is benched to give another kid a chance, kindly keep your comments to yourself. Your child gets plenty of time in the spotlight. Let the benchwarmer enjoy their moment, especially after waiting all season in your child’s shadow, cheering them on from the sidelines. They don’t need to hear your frustration about their limited playtime while they’re trying to focus.
I understand that committing to a sports team requires significant time and effort. After driving your child to practices and witnessing their hard work, you want to see them succeed. It can be frustrating to watch your child excel while others seem to drag the team down. But let’s remember, Sports Parents: this is not professional sports. This is a recreational league. It’s middle school basketball. Until there’s a talent scout offering your child a lucrative contract, I kindly request you to refrain from criticizing my child—or any child—who may not meet your expectations.
And by the way, if your child is truly exceptional, wouldn’t they be on a more competitive team? Let’s be realistic here. My daughter isn’t vying for an NBA career; she simply wants to navigate the awkwardness of being a teenager during one of the most challenging phases of growing up: the middle school years.
Sports Parents, as I navigate this new territory, I’m learning alongside my daughter. I appreciate the lesson you’ve taught me: I will never be part of the “Mean Parent” team, because that approach is just unacceptable.
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Summary:
This piece addresses the negative behavior of some sports parents who criticize young players, highlighting the struggles of children learning new skills in a team environment. It emphasizes the need for support and understanding rather than judgment, especially for those who are just starting out.