I have an energetic three-year-old named Mia who is still mastering her speech. While her vocabulary has improved considerably since enrolling in a special preschool, she often struggles to communicate her feelings. Recently, Mia started expressing discomfort about the darkness in her room at night. Understanding that young children can develop fears surrounding darkness, we decided to provide her with a small nightlight.
However, things took a turn when one evening, shortly after we tucked her in, my partner, Mark, rushed into her room upon hearing a scream that pierced through the silence. When he asked what was wrong, Mia pointed to her bookcase and, with wide eyes, simply said, “ghost.” Both Mark and I are open to the idea of spirits, so we took her concerns seriously rather than dismissing them with a simple “ghosts aren’t real.”
Mark took her back to the bookcase, attempting to show her the shadows cast by the nightlight. Despite his reassurance, Mia remained terrified. Eventually, he comforted her until she calmed down enough to sleep.
The following morning, I decided to delve deeper into Mia’s experience. I asked her about the ghost, and she told me it was a girl. When I inquired about her size, she said the ghost was small, like her. Further questions revealed the ghost wore a green shirt, but she didn’t know what color hair the ghost had. When I asked if the ghost was friendly, she responded with a firm “No.”
Feeling uneasy, I asked if she could draw the ghost. As she began to color, she mentioned, “no hands,” and when I probed further, she clarified, “cut.” I asked if the ghost’s hands were hurt, and she confirmed with “No arms.” Mia then said, “Broke. Boo-boo.” It became clear that this wasn’t just any ghost; it was a wounded spirit. She concluded her drawing with an attempt at letters, claiming it was the ghost’s name. At this point, I felt a wave of panic and quickly shifted her attention to another activity, grateful that the ghost topic didn’t resurface for the rest of the day.
That evening, Mark and I decided to stay with her until she felt comfortable enough to sleep. We also turned on a brighter light, continually assuring her that she was safe. Despite our reassurances, Mia remained anxious, prompting us to ask what specifically frightened her. She pointed out the ghost once more. When we asked where the ghost was, she confidently indicated beneath her train table.
Mark knelt down and told the ghost to leave, but this didn’t comfort Mia. She then placed one of her dinosaur toys underneath the table, positioning it toward where she thought the ghost was. I encouraged her idea and suggested we surround the table with all her dinosaur toys for added protection. This seemed to calm her, and after a few more minutes, she settled into bed peacefully.
As we left her room, she whimpered softly, but thankfully, there were no more screams that night. The uncertainty of Mia’s ghost drama leaves me feeling restless. I find myself jumping at every sound from the monitor, unable to shake my growing anxiety. I even decided to keep the door to her room locked during the day, opting to get ready in the living room instead.
Having a child who sees ghosts can be an unsettling experience, and how to handle it varies from family to family. One thing I’ve learned is the importance of validating their fears while reassuring them of their safety. Patience is key—if bedtime takes a little longer, that’s okay. Once your child feels secure enough to sleep alone, it might be worth researching ways to address the presence of ghosts. I’ve heard that sage can be effective.
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Summary
Managing a child’s fear of ghosts can be challenging but requires patience and understanding. Validate your child’s feelings while reassuring them of their safety. Engage them in conversation about their experiences, and if necessary, explore ways to create a comforting environment for bedtime.