The drive to fit in or be deemed “normal” is something that affects everyone at some level. While it’s natural to want to belong, this need can sometimes inhibit individuality. If your goal is to raise kind, intelligent, and creative boys (or girls), it’s essential to embrace a distinct approach. Those of you raising sons are likely aware of the challenging atmosphere that society creates for boys today. Throughout my journey as a parent, I faced criticism for enrolling my sons in music lessons after sports, encouraging a love for reading, and steering them away from video games and television. Yet, I chose to disregard the negativity because popularity was never my priority. Surprisingly, my boys have cultivated strong friendships with their peers.
Here’s a significant revelation: I genuinely believe my children are extraordinary. And I have no doubt yours are too. By recognizing my children as individuals with infinite potential, I’ve been able to navigate through misguided advice and fleeting trends. Our focus is on integrity, not social media validation. I have no interest in my sons achieving titles or accolades; instead, I aspire for them to be principled men who illuminate the lives of those around them.
Admittedly, we’ve made our fair share of mistakes along the way. However, we firmly believe that unkindness is not an option. From an early age, my boys understood the importance of refraining from making jokes about someone’s weight, race, or education. Our laughter is rooted in the absurdities of life, not at the expense of others. Parents can instill kindness through their actions, demonstrating respect to cashiers, waitstaff, and others in everyday interactions. A simple trip through the drive-thru can be a valuable moment to discuss the hard work of employees and the challenges they face. By praising good effort and respecting all professions, we nurture empathy and compassion in our children.
The phrase “boys will be boys” often excuses undesirable behavior. Sure, boys can make a mess, transform sticks into swords, and forget the basics of hygiene. Yet, in our household, we refuse to accept aggression, objectification of women, or crude language. My friend Sarah is navigating the challenges of parenting her twin boys, who recently turned four. “They’ve started hitting each other and everyone,” she lamented. “How can I stop this?” My advice: “Commit to addressing it every single day for the next 15 years.” While that may sound slightly sarcastic, it holds truth. Just the other day, my 21-year-old learned to enjoy friendly wrestling matches without tears or injuries. Boys may have a natural inclination to be physical, but it’s our duty as parents to guide them in managing their tempers.
I don’t subscribe to the “let them fight it out” philosophy. My husband and I both grew up with brothers who fought and it fostered long-lasting resentment. Teaching boys to control their impulses is crucial as they transition into husbands and fathers. The journey to fatherhood begins early. While I feel pride when one of my boys scores a goal or aces a test, my heart swells even more when they show kindness—whether it’s comforting a crying baby at church, playing with younger siblings, or participating in imaginative games like tea parties. As the saying goes, “A man stands tallest when he kneels to help a child.”
Crude humor, particularly that which objectifies women, has no place in the upbringing of real men. Manners, even if old-fashioned, should prevail. We emphasize saying “excuse me” after a burp, as good etiquette never goes out of style. Traditional values, such as holding doors open and helping others, remain essential.
It’s also vital that our sons understand grief. This topic demands sensitivity from parents, but acknowledging struggles—whether it’s personal or global—is crucial. Discussing challenges, whether it pertains to family job loss or broader societal issues, fosters compassion and perspective in our children. As Plato wisely stated, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Lastly, nurturing a sense of whimsy is a key ingredient in fostering kindness. As my son often quips, “Life would be so boring if my parents acted like grown-ups all the time.” I embrace my playful side, believing it’s essential to maintain joy in our lives—whether it’s making valentines, splashing in puddles, tossing pumpkins from rooftops, or enjoying animated movies.
Ultimately, happiness and kindness go hand in hand. By fostering laughter in our home, we cultivate a joyful environment. And as I love to remind myself, we are truly made for happiness. For more insights on parenting, check out this related article on our blog.
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In summary, by prioritizing kindness, empathy, and creativity in raising boys, parents can shape compassionate individuals who positively impact the world. Embrace the journey, focus on integrity, and most importantly, enjoy the ride.
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