Parenting
By Linda Harper
Updated: February 8, 2021
Originally Published: January 29, 2018
My children have barely been home from school for ten minutes, and my throat is already sore from yelling. I know this isn’t the best way to handle things, and it frustrates me – yet their constant fighting is equally maddening, which is why I find myself raising my voice in the first place.
It’s relentless, honestly. You would think they would tire themselves out, but they seem to be competing for some kind of endurance trophy in sibling rivalry. It’s like they’re in a never-ending championship of not giving each other a moment’s peace, and they are undeniably the top contenders.
They will actively seek each other out just to stir up trouble. You’d think that any rational person would steer clear of conflict, but no, they instigate it on purpose. One child will grab a toy or a gadget he knows his sibling wants, not out of desire for it, but simply to irritate them. This is the same kid who holds doors for strangers and leaves extra coins on gumball machines for others. I don’t understand it.
The topics of their disputes are often mind-numbingly trivial – things like who can burp louder or who can race up the stairs faster. They even hurl seemingly innocuous names at each other that, for reasons unknown, set the other off – like my eldest calling his brother “Fluffy Duck” (seriously??) and triggering a major blowout. The more the younger brother reacts, the more my oldest seems to enjoy using that nickname, often forgetting to use his actual name altogether. Naturally.
From annoying noises to taunts of “You’re such a fool!” and unprovoked nudges in the ribs as they pass each other in the hallway, this has become the norm in our household. My well-intentioned (albeit shouted) advice of, “Just go to your separate rooms!” seems to go in one ear and out the other. Even if one child does retreat to another room, the other is quick to follow, persistently poking at whatever is bothering them. Doors slam, voices rise, tempers boil over. I admit I’m not the best at calming these storms, but staying composed during their unnecessary emotional chaos is easier said than done.
Part of my motivation for having multiple children was so they could grow up as siblings. I envisioned them playing together, learning from one another, and standing up for each other against any challenges. I wasn’t prepared for the rivalry and constant bickering that makes me want to scream, “Fight over this pork chop!” and escape in my car.
Scrolling through social media, I see images of other people’s kids getting along, and I can’t help but feel like I’m failing somehow. Logically, I understand that social media often showcases the highlight reel, capturing those brief moments of peace amid the chaos. Yet, a nagging voice in my head tells me that the frequent discord between my kids must be my fault somehow, and it’s frustrating.
I find myself worrying about the future. When they grow up and no longer live under the same roof, will they still keep in touch? I hope they develop a strong bond that lasts into adulthood, knowing they always have each other’s support. Will they stay connected? Will their families know one another, or will they drift apart and become mere acquaintances?
Then, just as I’m lost in thought, the noise subsides, and I find them: snuggled under a blanket, both engrossed in a game on a tablet, completely at ease with one another, as if they weren’t just moments ago at each other’s throats. My eldest beams with pride as his younger brother achieves a high score, basking in the praise. I’m amazed at how quickly their anger dissipates and my heart swells – this is who they are, despite the squabbles.
And of course, I snap a picture. Because this moment is definitely one for Instagram.
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In summary, every parent grapples with the relentless squabbling of their children, often questioning their abilities and worrying about the future bonds their kids will share. However, amidst the chaos, there are fleeting moments of unity and joy that remind us of the deeper connections children can form.