Jan. 26, 2018
From the moment I was 11, I realized my attraction to women, alongside a deep affection for men. Although my relationships have predominantly been with men, this does not detract from my feelings for women. I have been in a long-term relationship with a man, and we share a child, yet my attraction to women remains as strong as ever. I proudly identify as a bisexual woman.
Motherhood doesn’t negate my bisexuality. My decision to have relationships with men or raise a child does not lessen my identity compared to those who have more balanced partnerships with both genders. One of the most significant challenges I’ve encountered since embracing my bisexuality is the quest for respect and acceptance. As a teenager, many friends dismissed my feelings as a mere phase, unaware that I had been navigating my identity since my early years. When I expressed my interest in women but pursued men more actively, many people tried to invalidate my feelings for women, assuming that my lack of vocal expression meant a lack of genuine attraction.
Despite not vocalizing my feelings, they were ever-present. I didn’t have posters of pop stars like Ariana Grande adorning my walls simply because I admired their music; I was drawn to them as I found them attractive. Unfortunately, I felt unable to articulate this due to fear of being dismissed. My bedroom became my sanctuary, a place where I could be true to myself away from judgment.
I had one relationship with a woman when I was 17. While it was brief and mostly physical, it played a crucial role in affirming my feelings. However, my friends didn’t take it seriously, which impacted my confidence and led me to focus solely on relationships with men. When I disclosed my bisexuality to men, the reaction often veered towards fetishization, making me cautious about sharing this part of myself.
Everything changed for me in October when I decided to come out publicly to my family, friends, and the broader community. The support I received was overwhelmingly positive. However, one unexpected aspect was the response from friends who share similar experiences. Many of them are also bisexual but had kept their identities hidden due to fear of rejection. They are women who feel attracted to other women but are hesitant to embrace this truth while in heterosexual relationships, often as mothers too. It was reassuring for both them and me to realize we are not alone in our struggles.
As a single mother, I’m open to the possibility of pursuing a relationship with a woman if the right opportunity arises, though dating is challenging with a young child. There’s someone I’m particularly drawn to, albeit she lives across the country, making a relationship unlikely. Nonetheless, she is the first woman I’ve felt a desire to pursue since my teenage years, and she understands my situation as a mother and my history with men. I recognize that reactions to this will vary, but simply admitting my feelings to her, even if it leads nowhere, is a significant step for me.
I often ponder how to explain a same-sex relationship to my four-year-old son. He has never witnessed me in a romantic relationship since his father and I separated when he was an infant, but he is aware of our past. While I’ve taught him about diverse romantic relationships, I worry he might find it challenging to grasp my potential involvement with a woman.
The future of my romantic life is uncertain, but I hold firmly to this truth: no matter what happens, my bisexuality remains unchanged. Even if I were to marry a man and have more children, I would still be attracted to women. My bisexuality is not defined by my current relationship status; it is an intrinsic part of who I am.
To my fellow bisexual mothers who may feel diminished by their experiences, know that you are not lesser in any way. You remain who you are, regardless of how you may feel at times. For additional insights on home insemination and related topics, you can explore this resource. For more information on at-home insemination methods, check out Cryobaby’s kits. If you’re seeking guidance on fertility services, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources.
Summary
This article explores the author’s journey as a bisexual mother, highlighting the complexities of identity, attraction, and societal perceptions. Despite being in relationships with men and raising a child, her bisexuality remains intact and valid. The piece encourages acceptance and understanding for others in similar situations, affirming that one’s sexual orientation is not defined by relationship choices.