Parenting guides and my style of parenting clash like oil and water. I tend to focus on the potential disasters awaiting my children if I stray from their advice, yet I often forget the specific strategies I should implement to avert these calamities. Kids = Chaos; Mom = Overwhelmed. It’s a tough scenario. So, when my eldest was about two, I vowed to step away from parenting literature.
I’ve only broken that promise a couple of times, one being to discover how to prevent sibling rivalry before it began. With just a few simple steps, I could instill a sense of security in my children and curb their urge to compete for their parents’ attention and affection.
The twist? It seems to have worked.
My children don’t seem inclined to outshine each other for my or my partner’s love. While this is undoubtedly beneficial for their self-esteem and all that good stuff, I sometimes wonder if it would be so terrible if my son collected the remnants of his last arts and crafts project to assert himself as the “tidy one,” or if my daughter munched on her veggies to establish herself as the “healthy eater.”
This is particularly relevant because sibling rivalry didn’t just evaporate when my kids opted to stop vying for the title of Favorite Child. Instead, their competition manifests in some rather trivial and exasperating ways. For example:
1. I Had It First!
The definitions of “had” and “first” are incredibly flexible here. “Had” might mean: spotting it from across the room, anticipating its arrival in their sibling’s hands, or even just thinking about it at some point. Similarly, “first” could mean: having touched it at some point in the last three months or simply being the one who unwrapped it. None of this matters if the current holder is the one grasping the item tightly, even if they’re not actively using it.
2. Don’t Go on My Side!
Every. single. time. we’re getting into or out of the car, a full-blown skirmish erupts over which door each child will use. It’s not like one side is a magical portal while the other is a trapdoor to doom. But you’d think so.
3. I’m Gonna Win!
This is closely connected to point #2. My kids will abandon all caution, sprinting through parking lots, sidewalks, or even thorn bushes just to reach the car (or their rooms or the bathroom) ahead of the other. Just to clarify, the reward for this mad dash is definitely not my overflowing pride at their speed and determination.
4. It’s Not a Race!
This phrase generally comes from the sibling who finishes second or is about to be left behind.
5. That’s Mine!
Let’s be real: having two of everything isn’t practical. Or is it? Because I’m ready to throw in the towel on this one. Also, if I can gather a group, I’d like to invest in six sets of those colorful Ikea plates, so every person can have their own exact color. The dispute over the orange plate is truly wearing me down.
To be clear, I’m not advocating for my kids to compete for my affection. They already have that in abundance, no competition required. But hey, if they feel the need to channel their competitive energy, why not aim for who can whip up the best breakfast in bed for Mom? Just a thought. Maybe I should hint to my son that his sister is planning to make it first?
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Summary:
Sibling rivalry often appears in unexpected ways, from disputes over who had a toy first to battles over car doors. While striving to nurture a loving environment, these skirmishes can be amusing yet exhausting. Encouraging healthy competition, like making breakfast for Mom, could redirect their energy positively.
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