I had the ultimatum letter ready. My anger had subsided—once a decision is made, clarity often follows.
The letter was written after an explosive argument over the garage door being left ajar. My husband had a strong opinion about doors, much like I do about his habit of leaving dirty socks strewn across the floor. It was a cool day in April—not one where leaving the door open would lead to exorbitant energy costs. I suspected his mother had left it slightly ajar after taking out the trash. Instead of rational discussion, he erupted, furious and loud, slamming cabinets, nostrils flaring. “Don’t argue with me!” he shouted, as if we were children. “Just keep the damned door closed!”
In my frustration, I accused him of being irrational.
This argument was the peak of numerous similar confrontations—each followed by a cooling-off period before we could discuss things calmly. He would eventually acknowledge his overreactions.
“You have a problem with anger,” I insisted. “This isn’t normal behavior.”
“I’m not angry; I’m happy,” he would counter.
This back-and-forth went on for years, leaving me anxious about leaving him alone with our kids. I could sense when he was approaching his boiling point, but the children couldn’t. What if he lost control? Thankfully, he hadn’t, but I feared that day would come.
How had I married someone so volatile? How had I chosen this man to be the father of my children? I felt naive for not recognizing these traits before committing to him.
The day he exploded over the garage door marked a turning point—I was resolved to confront him with my letter. That morning, however, he sent me a text: “I have diabetes.”
My ultimatum sat idle on the desk beside my phone, now overshadowed by this new revelation. I couldn’t confront him about his anger issues when he was facing a health crisis.
He didn’t fit the stereotype I had about diabetes patients—he was only 39, fit, and not overweight. Yet, many relatives on his mother’s side suffered from Type II diabetes.
Curious, I researched the symptoms and was stunned to find that he exhibited many of them, gradually escalating until we hardly recognized them.
Symptoms I Noticed
- Excessive thirst: His constant need for drinks during road trips was exhausting. We would stop every twenty minutes, and at restaurants, he’d consume five soft drinks in one sitting. I jokingly remarked he must have hollow legs, but internally, I was appalled by what I viewed as gluttony.
- Increased hunger: His hunger wasn’t constant; rather, it was immediate and fierce. When he felt hungry, it was a crisis, leading to the family joke that “Daddy was getting hangry.” I saw his lack of restraint as a personal failure.
- Weight loss: I marveled at how he lost weight while consuming vast amounts of food and exercising less than I did. It seemed unfair, but I dismissed it.
- Fatigue: He could fall asleep anywhere at any time, but I chalked it up to the exhaustion of parenting young children. I didn’t think much of it.
I committed to supporting him through this diagnosis, but I felt a surge of resentment for the burden of his illness. On top of his previous outbursts, I now had to navigate this new challenge. Yet, I offered my sympathy, hugged him, and shared tears. It could have been worse—at least it wasn’t cancer. I started researching diabetes diets, buying books from Amazon, and cleaning out our pantry of unhealthy foods.
He began medication, improved his diet, and exercised more, and within weeks, something incredible happened: the man I fell in love with started to emerge again.
I hadn’t realized he had been slipping away from me; diabetes had crept in silently, taking him bit by bit.
The true person I married is not quick-tempered but rather calm, kind-hearted, and generous. He’s a critical thinker, humorous, and a talented storyteller—a loving husband and father. Somehow, I had overlooked his gradual disappearance.
I share our story because I know others may be facing a similar situation. While “mood swings” aren’t typically listed as symptoms of Type II diabetes, they certainly were in my husband’s case, causing chaos in our family.
It’s important to recognize that other health issues, such as multiple sclerosis or brain tumors, can also trigger significant mood changes. The human body is complex, and any chemical imbalance can impact mental health. Many of us are familiar with “hanger,” that irritable feeling when our blood sugar drops. For my husband, his blood sugar fluctuations meant his brain was essentially starving, leading to years of irritability.
So, if your partner’s behavior is causing you to question your relationship, encourage them to see a doctor. They may be struggling with an undiagnosed condition, and you might be on the verge of reclaiming the person you love.
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In summary, uncharacteristic behavior in a loved one may signal an underlying medical condition rather than a personality flaw. Encouraging them to seek medical help could lead to a significant improvement in their well-being and your relationship.