As I settled into the rocking chair this afternoon to nurse my son, Max, before his nap, I found myself scrolling through social media, as any modern mom does. It was then that I stumbled upon a heated debate: to sleep train or not to sleep train? Parents were harshly critiquing one another for their choices, claiming that sleep training goes against the principles of “gentle parenting” and that “scientific evidence” shows it can harm a child’s development.
Well, here’s my truth—I sleep trained my baby too. And guess what? It worked wonders for our family. I’m frustrated by the judgment from those who make me, and other parents who found sleep training beneficial, feel as though we need to keep it a hidden shame.
What Does Sleep Training Really Mean?
Let’s clarify what “sleep training” really means. At its core, it’s about helping your child learn to drift off to sleep independently and with a sense of security. As our pediatrician explained, everyone—parents and babies alike—wakes up several times throughout the night. As adults, we’ve learned that waking up in the dark isn’t something to fear; we can simply roll over and return to slumber. Babies, however, don’t have that reassurance yet. While the notorious “cry-it-out” method is often linked to sleep training, there are many approaches available: from verbal reassurance and pick-up-put-down (PUPD) to establishing a consistent bedtime routine and gradual extinction.
Let me be clear—sleep training doesn’t mean leaving your baby to cry alone in a crib for hours on end. If that’s your approach (and here comes my judgment), then shame on you.
My Journey with Sleep Training
I, too, wrestled with the concept of sleep training for a long time. I was caught in the belief that responding to my baby’s every nighttime cry was the only way to show love and care. My pre-bedtime routine became increasingly elaborate, bordering on superstitious. I believed that if I dimmed the lights and spoke softly enough, Max would sleep better.
How my partner, Jake, managed to endure my nighttime rituals, I will never understand. I even dictated how he should hold our son during bedtime and insisted on other oddities. In truth, the relentless exhaustion and feeling of being trapped in a cycle of sleeplessness were taking a toll on my well-being.
We tried everything: more feedings, warm baths, soothing massages, various sleep aids, and even co-sleeping for many months. Despite being nestled between two loving parents, Max woke every 1 to 2 hours, crying.
So before anyone criticizes me for not putting in enough effort or for withholding love, let me assure you—I tried it all. The strategy that eventually worked for our family combined PUPD, verbal reassurance, and graduated extinction. I was adamant about not letting Max cry for extended periods. While “no-tear” methods might take longer, they do have their effectiveness. Crucially, I stopped nursing or bottle-feeding him to sleep; instead, we established a night routine that included a bath (when applicable), getting into pajamas, and a storytime. If Max fell asleep while feeding, I’d gently wake him before we read. It was a simple adjustment, but it made all the difference. The key was to lay him down in the crib awake, so he understood it was time for bed.
The Results of Our Sleep Training
Our sleep training ultimately achieved its goal—teaching Max to fall asleep and stay asleep. Sure, we still have off nights, especially after trips or significant life events that disrupt our routine. After one of those trips, we often find ourselves starting from scratch, re-teaching Max how to settle down for the night. Yes, the first night can be challenging, and I hear confusion and frustration in his cries. On those harder nights, we cuddle and nurse more, ensuring he knows he is safe and loved.
The most surprising aspect of our sleep training journey was how quickly our nights transformed into peaceful ones. Prior to starting the training, Max would wake frequently, often in distress. After implementing our routine, he now occasionally makes a few quiet noises before drifting back to sleep. Most nights, he falls asleep on his own without a fuss. If he wakes up and cries, I respond to him. This routine has not only eased Max’s nights but has also brought me a sense of calm.
Trusting Your Parenting Instincts
In a world filled with conflicting parenting advice—whether to breastfeed until two or stop at six months, or debates about stay-at-home parenting—why not gather all the information and trust your instincts? Instead of relying solely on studies, let’s honor our intuition as parents and trust the bond we share with our children.
I have no regrets about sleep training. I hope you can trust my parenting choices just as I trust yours.
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Summary
In this piece, I share my personal experience with sleep training my son, Max, dispelling myths surrounding the practice. While many parents face criticism for choosing this path, I maintain that it has positively impacted our family. By teaching Max to fall asleep independently, we’ve created a more peaceful nighttime environment for us all. Ultimately, I encourage parents to trust their instincts and find what works best for their families.