As a mother of six years, I’ve observed a troubling trend in parenting discussions that leaves me feeling not only uncomfortable but also frustrated. Many parents, believing they are progressive and open-minded, proudly embrace the idea of “colorblindness.” However, this approach is misguided. Teaching children to ignore race does not combat racism; it often reinforces it.
I recall an incident from two years ago while waiting for my daughter’s preschool class to be dismissed. As children poured out, a little boy exclaimed, “Mom! There are brown kids in my class! Three brown kids!” His mother’s reaction was immediate and harsh; she hushed him quickly, her eyes scanning the area to see if anyone had heard. The boy was left bewildered, unsure of why his excitement was met with such disapproval.
Another moment occurred after a Christmas Eve service when my family and I went to a nearly empty restaurant. A curious young girl, around five years old, approached our table and asked, “Are those your kids?” I sensed her hesitation; her parents hadn’t encouraged her to engage. I took it upon myself to explain, “My kids are adopted. Do you know what that means?” This simple question led to a thoughtful discussion, revealing her genuine curiosity. It was evident that her parents were relieved when the topic shifted, indicating their discomfort with the conversation about race and family structure.
Such encounters are not isolated. I’ve faced similar inquiries from a boy in the park who questioned how I could be the mother of my children, given our differing skin colors, and a cashier who looked perplexed when I was out with my son. Each child was seeking understanding, an opportunity to learn about differences.
It’s crucial for parents to recognize that avoiding or dismissing these conversations only complicates their child’s understanding of race. Children are perceptive; they can tell when adults are sidestepping the truth. Evasion breeds distrust, and failing to address these topics fosters uncertainty.
By promoting colorblindness instead of embracing honest discussions about race, parents inadvertently diminish a vital aspect of their children’s identities. They also hinder their child’s ability to acknowledge and celebrate diversity. The next time your child expresses excitement about a friend who looks different or asks difficult questions about race, take a moment to engage. Share the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem.
This post originally appeared on January 15, 2018.
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Summary
Engaging children in honest conversations about race is crucial for their understanding and acceptance of diversity. Avoiding these discussions can lead to confusion and mistrust. Parents should embrace opportunities to educate their children about race, fostering a healthy appreciation for differences.