As a parent navigating the complexities of raising multiple children with special needs, my reality is defined by a long list of challenges. Each year adds to my personal “case file”—from asthma and endometriosis to dysautonomia and anxiety. Once I embraced motherhood, the challenges multiplied: I became the mother of a child on the autism spectrum, another with immune deficiencies, and one with food allergies and apraxia. When someone asks, “How are you?” it feels like an overwhelming question.
Well, right now, it’s 9 PM, my kids are tucked in bed, and the allure of cookie dough is hard to resist—so I’m doing pretty well at this moment! Is that being dishonest? I don’t think so. But I do wonder about how this affects the people who care about us.
For those of us living in a world filled with unending challenges, it can be difficult to articulate our experiences. If I focus solely on the positives, I risk being seen as insincere. Conversely, if I dwell on the difficulties, I may come across as pessimistic or invite unsolicited advice. The reality is, I can’t simply “choose a struggle” from my list of challenges; it’s all part of our day-to-day life.
This is why finding a supportive community is vital. One of the hardest aspects of dealing with chronic issues is the sense of isolation that often accompanies them. I’m not just an ASD mom; I’m also managing my own chronic fatigue. I’m not just balancing three kids under four; I’m coordinating multiple therapies for two of them. What I truly need is a connection with someone who understands the breadth of my struggles without being overwhelmed. I seek out individuals who have their own challenges yet maintain a resilient outlook (we might not be superheroes, but we are certainly not victims either).
So, let’s be clear: picking a struggle isn’t an option. Embrace the full spectrum of challenges or move along—this is personal; it’s my family’s journey. We don’t let our struggles define us, though we engage with them daily.
Here are some insights I wish others would consider:
- When I mention being tired, there’s often a multitude of reasons behind it. Please inquire, don’t jump to conclusions.
- My children’s diagnoses serve as tools to access appropriate support. These labels do not define their identities or excuse misbehavior; instead, they help us tailor our responses to their unique needs.
- Well-meaning questions regarding my children’s diagnoses or prognosis can be inappropriate. We put in significant effort to find answers and navigate our lives within societal norms. If you’re curious about our situation, I encourage you to ask instead of assuming; there are many nuances you may not see.
- Some phases of our lives are particularly challenging. For instance, juggling autoimmune issues, communication difficulties, and sensory processing challenges—along with the chaos of family life—makes everything more complicated. Please be patient with us during those times.
- While we may exhibit resilience, please don’t idealize our journey. Given a choice, we wouldn’t choose this path. Statements like “You’re so strong; I could never do that” can feel dismissive. We tackle our realities one moment at a time, not because we are certain of a happy ending, but because we cling to a messy, realistic hope.
Can you handle the buffet of struggles we face? We don’t have to choose just one.
For more insights on navigating parenting challenges, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, or visit our other blog posts for further support.
Summary
Navigating the complexities of parenting multiple children with special needs is a unique journey filled with both challenges and victories. It’s essential to seek understanding and support from others while recognizing that our struggles do not define who we are. Each moment can bring new challenges, and finding a community that embraces the full spectrum of these experiences can be incredibly beneficial.