When my eldest son reached the age of 13, I finally caved and got him a cell phone. This was seven years ago, long before the allure of Snapchat’s disappearing messages or the constant need to document every moment on Instagram. It was a simple flip phone, and the decision was largely driven by a frantic afternoon when he found himself alone on a golf course during a lightning storm.
That basic flip phone served its purpose perfectly. Though he lost it a few times—because let’s face it, kids and responsibility don’t always mix—the phone’s simplicity made it easy to manage. Plus, the only people he was texting at the time were his parents, which eased my worries. After all, it was just a phone.
Fast forward to today, and the landscape of mobile technology has drastically shifted. Cell phones have morphed into powerful mini-computers, teeming with apps that kids use to navigate their lives. They are not just for calling parents anymore; they are integral to their daily existence.
Take a moment to reflect on the lyrics from a recent iPhone commercial. It suggests that these high-tech devices can be our best friends, ready to accompany us through life’s ups and downs.
My second son received an iPhone at 15 when he began driving. By then, flip phones had become relics of the past. The convenience of adding him to my plan, along with access to driving assistance apps and other tools to support his newfound independence, made the decision straightforward. He also utilized his phone for various school-related tasks, like emailing and accessing cloud drives for assignments.
By the time he started driving, I felt confident in his ability to handle smartphone use responsibly, avoiding pitfalls like sexting and cyberbullying. He’s now 18 and has navigated the often treacherous waters of adolescence as a smartphone user.
However, I’ve decided that my youngest son will wait until he’s 16 to get a smartphone. He just turned 14 and has been pleading for one for years, presenting a myriad of reasons that he struggles to articulate. This is precisely why I’ve held firm in my decision.
I realize that I might be in the minority here. According to my son, he’s the only 8th grader without a phone, while my fifth grader is also lamenting his lack of one. I’ve said “no” countless times and instead let him use my phone at home to check his social media accounts, allowing me to monitor his online activity. Despite his constant pleas, I question whether he is truly mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with smartphone ownership.
Even if he believes he is ready, should kids really be glued to screens at such a young age? The answer, for me, is no. And I’m not alone in this thinking.
Recently, two investors in Apple raised alarms over the potential for youth smartphone addiction, penning a letter that outlined the dangers associated with smartphone use among children. They echo a growing sentiment that the increasing prevalence of cell phones among youth is evolving into a public health crisis. In their letter, they urged Apple to create better parental controls and assess the effects of excessive phone use on mental health.
You can read the letter here, and I highly recommend taking a moment to do so. The statistics and studies mentioned are eye-opening, and it’s heartening to see that investors, along with pediatricians and educators, are starting to recognize the serious implications of our children’s smartphone habits.
My 14-year-old can continue his persistent requests for a phone, and I will consistently respond with “no.” This is a complete sentence, requiring no justification. While he may sulk and think I’m the worst parent ever, I believe he will still find joy in the simple pleasures of life—like playing outside, fishing, or reading a book (gasp!). In doing so, he will learn to cultivate happiness from within, rather than through likes, notifications, or social media feeds.
Remember when children were able to do that? I certainly do. Let’s bring it back.
This article was originally published on January 13, 2018.
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