Since childhood, I’ve struggled with my self-worth. It’s been said that I can be my own worst enemy, and if only I could recognize the challenges I’ve overcome, I might treat myself with a bit more kindness. Social media has become a double-edged sword for me, amplifying my insecurities. The constant comparisons make me feel trapped—she’s slimmer, prettier, more accomplished, and so much more.
While I could attribute these feelings to a tumultuous upbringing or hurtful comments from others, the reality is that I have the power to shape my self-perception. Yet, I often find myself overwhelmed by negativity. My favorite mantra, “Actually, I can,” frequently morphs into a self-doubtful “Who am I kidding?”
Now at 46, I have a daughter, Lily, who grapples with similar self-esteem issues. I’ve come to realize that my own harsh self-criticism has influenced her perspective. Throughout her life, she has witnessed how I speak about myself, often in a cruel manner regarding my appearance and perceived failures.
About a year ago, Lily made a brave decision to delete her social media accounts, tired of the endless comparison game that plagued her mental health. She took control of her narrative in a way I struggled to do. I admire her strength immensely.
Recently, during my step-son’s wedding, instead of basking in the joy of the occasion when the photos came back, I launched into a tirade of self-criticism. My daughter was right beside me, observing my harsh judgments as I said, “Oh my gosh, my hair looks awful. My figure is unflattering. I look so pale. What was I thinking with that dress?”
Lily echoed my sentiments about her own appearance, excluding the most personal details, but the pattern was clear. My self-negativity was teaching her to do the same. Then she issued a challenge: for every negative comment I made about myself, she would make one about herself.
Challenge accepted. There’s no way I would allow her to engage in self-criticism, even if I did it to myself without hesitation. The irony struck me quickly when I failed the challenge almost immediately.
How do I alter a mindset ingrained over 40 years? It feels impossible to cleanse myself of this toxic mindset. I struggle with living in the moment, embracing positive self-talk, and making an effort to change my thought processes. It’s hard work, and my inclination toward laziness when it comes to self-care doesn’t help. Yet, I find it increasingly essential to shield myself from sinking deeper into feelings of worthlessness.
I’m trying to catch myself before I speak negatively and learning to show more compassion toward myself. Perhaps it will take another 40 years to peel back the layers of self-doubt, but each layer I shed brings me closer to discovering my true self.
For more insights on navigating these challenges, check out this related blog post at Intracervical Insemination. If you’re looking for authoritative resources on the topic, visit Make a Mom and ASRM for valuable information.
Summary:
This piece reflects on the author’s journey toward self-kindness, inspired by her daughter’s struggles with self-esteem. Through the lens of their shared experiences, the author grapples with personal challenges rooted in a negative self-image while acknowledging the power of change and compassion.