I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), a condition that has been a part of my life since I was in the third grade—long before I even understood what I was experiencing. I remember constantly worrying and fretting about things that seemed trivial to my peers.
Navigating life with this mental health challenge has been incredibly tough. There are times when I feel free and happy for months, only to be struck down by anxiety suddenly, as if lightning had struck. It’s a relentless and cunning disorder. It distorts my thoughts, causing me to think about things I would otherwise let slide. My heart races, and it feels impossible to catch my breath. Despite how many times I endure it, the fear never lessens.
Without anxiety, I would wake up each morning with clarity. I wouldn’t have to run through an imaginary checklist, overwhelmed just thinking about the day ahead.
If anxiety weren’t a part of my life, I could embark on road trips, vacations, and concerts without a second thought. I wouldn’t have to dread car accidents, feel claustrophobic, or get anxious due to overstimulation.
Without anxiety, I could truly breathe. I would inhale deeply and freely, without feeling the sharpness in my chest or experiencing panic that drains my energy.
I wouldn’t wake up the next day after a night out, consumed by worry over my actions or what I may have said. I would have no reason to ruminate over nothing.
If I were free from anxiety, I would be a more supportive friend, companion, and daughter. I would respond promptly to calls and texts, wouldn’t cancel plans I was excited about, and wouldn’t be misunderstood by those around me.
Anxiety also impacts my self-esteem. Without it, I wouldn’t question my writing abilities or my worth as a person. I would simply be at peace with who I am.
If anxiety didn’t exist in my life, I wouldn’t find myself calling my parents in the midst of an anxiety attack, pleading for them to come and offer me a sense of safety.
My happiest moments wouldn’t be overshadowed by a persistent grey cloud, ready to encroach upon my joy at any moment.
It’s disheartening to face judgment from those who lack understanding of anxiety as an illness. Many don’t recognize it as a chemical imbalance in my brain that is completely out of my control.
If anxiety were absent, I wouldn’t need to explain myself to new acquaintances or feel the pressure to justify my actions when I leave early from social situations.
However, there’s a silver lining: my struggles with anxiety have made me stronger, more resilient, and braver. In a way, anxiety has shaped me into who I am today.
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In summary, living with anxiety has profoundly affected every aspect of my life, but it has also contributed to my growth and strength as an individual.