Let’s face it: I can be a bit of a handful.
“No way!” you might exclaim in disbelief. But believe me when I say, I’m the sweetest handful you’ll ever encounter. However, just like during college when you discover your drink threshold or in yoga when the instructor gives you the option of a challenging pose or a comforting child’s pose, I’ve learned my own limits as a parent. I call it my Maximum Patience Capacity (MPC).
For example, there I was, trying to keep my cool while supervising my two kids, ages 6 and 8, as they took turns pinching each other until one of them screamed. Just as I was about to lose my composure, another mom asked me, “Are you thinking about having more kids?” I looked at her as if she had three heads and replied, “Absolutely not! I’ve hit my Maximum Patience Capacity with two.”
Growing up, we absorb countless lessons about our appearances and relationships, yet learning how much we can endure before we completely unravel is a skill honed only through experience. As a mom striving for balance, I frequently find myself reaching that threshold.
I attempt to stay within my limits, but when I do hit that wall, it can get messy. Just the other day, we were running late for soccer practice. The shin guards were nowhere to be found, the dog needed to be taken out, and my kids were bickering over a piece of tin foil from their breakfast. In the frenzy, they hadn’t had time to pee or brush their teeth, and the game was about to begin. Amidst their chaos, I snapped and seized the tin foil, crumpling it. “Mine!” I thought, almost triumphantly.
I had tried so hard to maintain my composure that morning, but my MPC had finally reached its breaking point. “STOP IT!” I roared, louder than their combined yelling. They looked at me wide-eyed, one nursing a hit to the eye and the other nursing a pinch. I shouted until they were so united in their dislike for me that they became best friends again. Then, I turned my frustration on my husband for not stepping up to help find the shin guards or getting the kids ready. The car ride to the soccer field was silent, and my throat hurt from the outburst. Honestly, that’s the kind of person I can be when the pressure mounts.
I often grapple with guilt, wondering if my limits are too low. I see other moms juggling kids, careers, and social commitments effortlessly. They run PTAs, coach soccer, and manage elaborate schedules for their children, seemingly with endless patience. I can’t help but think, “Wow, their Maximum Patience Capacity far surpasses mine.”
It’s common to feel inadequate. Just the other day, I was chatting with a friend, marveling at how she balances three kids and a full-time job without ever seeming to lose her cool. I asked her how she managed it all. She mentioned the help of a full-time nanny and supportive in-laws, which made me realize that my friend’s greater patience likely stems from the support she has. I don’t have a nanny or family nearby, and while my husband is a fantastic dad, I typically handle the daily grind.
Still, I wonder if I should be pushing myself more—volunteering, playing, engaging more fully. Maybe I just need to take a moment to breathe. A parenting article I once skimmed suggested giving myself a “time out.” Sounds wonderful, right? But in reality, my kids might turn the house upside down while I’m holed up in my room enjoying a break.
My husband has been using a meditation app called Headspace, and thinks I should give it a try. I suppose I should explore some options, considering my version of relaxation often comes from watching reality TV and feeling accomplished by comparison.
I can’t be the only one who checks if the windows are closed to muffle my outbursts. We’re all navigating this parenting journey as best we can. At the end of the day, I know I’m a loving and dedicated mom. My home is clean enough, and my kids are happy and empathetic. Yet, when I surpass my limits, unleashing that inner frustration is often what gets me through. Clearly, I’m still on the path to accepting my boundaries. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to find my calm in a child’s pose.
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Summary
In the chaos of parenting, every mom has her breaking point. While I often feel overwhelmed by the demands of my children, I’m learning to accept my limitations and find ways to cope. It’s a journey filled with ups and downs, but in the end, I know I’m doing my best, even if that sometimes means letting my “bitch” side show.