During a Thanksgiving FaceTime call, my mother and I found ourselves reflecting on a blog post I had shared a few months prior. In that post, I recounted a conversation where she questioned whether my wife, Sara, kept our home clean enough. I responded with conviction, “I didn’t marry Sara for a spotless house; I married her because she’s the person I want to share my life with.” A pause followed, and my mother finally acknowledged, “I suppose that’s more important than cleanliness.”
As our conversation progressed, she expressed her pride in my writing but admitted she wasn’t thrilled with how I portrayed our family experiences. “I didn’t mean to be rude,” she offered, and while I agreed, I believed her curiosity stemmed from her own upbringing and experiences as a young parent.
Even though we were separated by distance—me in Oregon and her in Utah—our conversation felt intimate amidst the Thanksgiving chaos. Eventually, she said, “I want you to know that I appreciate Sara. I love her and how she is with the kids.” While I appreciated her words, it felt odd that she was telling me instead of directly addressing Sara.
After a brief silence, I said, “Thanks. Would you like to talk to the kids?”
“Actually, I’d like to speak to Sara first,” she replied. This took me by surprise.
I called Sara over, but then hesitated. “She just wants to talk to you,” I explained. Sara looked apprehensive and whispered, “About what?”
I couldn’t recall a moment like this before. Even though they had a good relationship, one-on-one conversations with in-laws can be nerve-wracking. Sara approached the iPad cautiously, while I stayed in the kitchen, straining to listen. I heard my mother say words like “appreciate,” “love,” and “I’m sorry.” Sara responded with a warm “thank you” and reassured her not to worry.
Though their exchange was brief, it was significant. Reflecting on the situation, I wondered if it should have taken my writing for my mother to apologize. Did she owe Sara an apology? Perhaps, but that wasn’t the crux of the matter. What mattered was the sincerity behind her words. I’ve known my mother all my life, and I could tell she was being genuine. She could have easily reacted negatively to my post, but instead, she chose to foster connection within our family.
As I joined Sara on the sofa, I could hear laughter between her and my mother. Our children, curious about the commotion, joined us as well. Mom wished everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. Once the excitement died down, it was just my mother and me again. “Thanks, Mom. You didn’t have to do that, but it meant a lot,” I said. Her smile was genuine, and as we ended the call, we both felt grateful for that moment.
In conclusion, family dynamics can be complex, but moments of understanding, like my mother’s apology to Sara, can pave the way for stronger bonds.
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