As the holiday season approaches, the question that often arises in adult conversations is: What gifts are you buying for the kids? This question fills me with unease. As an independent author and freelance writer, I find myself navigating the delicate balance of being a stay-at-home mom while pursuing my passion during naptimes and late nights. Financially, I may not be thriving, but my life is rich in other ways.
What gifts am I getting my children? Likely fewer than what others are purchasing for theirs. Becoming a mother again at 42—19 years after my first child—brought unexpected scrutiny on my parenting choices, including my approach to holiday traditions. With my youngest still under two, we are in the process of establishing customs that will shape her future experiences. Although she may not grasp their significance this year, it’s crucial to lay the groundwork for what we want our holidays to become.
I want our Christmas celebrations filled with meaningful memories rather than fleeting material possessions that will soon be forgotten. This led me to reflect deeply on what truly matters.
A recent Facebook post from a friend resonated with me; she could only recall a handful of gifts from her childhood. Instead, she cherished the moments spent decorating the tree, baking holiday treats with family, and the special breakfasts enjoyed each Christmas morning. It was the essence of the holiday that lingered in her memory, not the physical gifts.
Curious, I decided to ask my older daughter, now 21, what she remembered from her own Christmases. Her responses were enlightening. She reminisced about the movies we would watch together on Christmas Eve and the last present from her great-grandmother before she passed away. She particularly cherished the vintage vinyl records we found for her, all for just $10—items with a story, rather than expensive, flashy gifts. What surprised me was her complete lack of recall regarding the countless boxes of presents from previous years, including the pricey electronics we had struggled to afford.
I too could not recollect the items I had braved freezing temperatures to buy on Black Friday or the highly sought-after toy from 2002 that required hours of searching across multiple stores. Ultimately, none of these things held lasting significance.
This year, we are reexamining our approach to Christmas. Rather than view our modest budget as a limitation, we see it as an opportunity to emphasize what truly counts—our shared experiences and the love we give one another. When planning our gift list, I often ponder whether my children feel loved and valued, not just if they have enough material possessions.
I also find myself questioning how others perceive our choices. Is it enough for my bonus daughter’s biological mother to see our love reflected in our actions? Will my kids feel embarrassed when comparing their gifts with their friends? Ultimately, I realize that these concerns distract from the essence of the holiday.
When we find ourselves apologizing for a smaller number of gifts or less expensive options, we lose sight of what Christmas is supposed to represent. The shiny toys and expensive gadgets do not provide lasting happiness or comfort; they are merely temporary diversions that fade from memory.
We are shifting our focus away from materialism to a deeper understanding of what we want our children to remember. This isn’t just a response to our budget constraints—it’s a conscious choice to instill the belief that it’s not about the stuff, but about creating meaningful traditions.
We can’t critique the materialism in younger generations while simultaneously reinforcing it through our gift-giving practices. If our children view the holiday as primarily about receiving rather than giving, we’ve inadvertently taught them that. And for what? Forgotten items that burden our finances?
This year, our children will receive a few carefully selected gifts, but more importantly, they will gain our presence, love, and cherished memories. We aim to replace the focus on what’s under the tree with the timeless traditions and experiences that will stay with them long after the gifts are unwrapped.
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In summary, focusing on love and memorable experiences rather than material possessions can create a more meaningful holiday season for our children.