By: Jenna Lawson
Updated: Dec. 10, 2020
Originally Published: Dec. 7, 2017
When the ambient lighting dims and the kids are tucked in for the night, a rare opportunity arises for my partner and me. It’s that golden moment when we can finally indulge in intimacy, which often feels like an elusive dream thanks to our little ones being expert at interruption. My partner is always eager, of course; I swear he could spring into action at the slightest hint of affection. Unlike me, he doesn’t mind if I’m in oversized sweatpants or if I’ve skipped a shower for a couple of days.
I know I should be ready, too. This moment is precious, yet shifting gears from “Mom Mode” to a passionate partner isn’t as straightforward as it seems. After constantly juggling doctor appointments, school lunches, and the endless worries about my child’s future, flipping the switch to a sensual mindset feels nearly impossible.
I can’t help but envy my partner’s effortless readiness. It’s like he’s perpetually on standby for romance, while my mind is cluttered with thoughts of mundane tasks. As much as I want to focus on him, my brain drifts to reminders about laundry and what to serve for dinner. Did I remember to wash my kid’s jersey for tomorrow’s game? What about the upcoming Scout meeting? Suddenly, the thought of thawing chicken screams louder than any seductive whisper.
I’ve scoured the internet for advice and tried many suggestions—like setting aside time for affection. But how can I enjoy prolonged foreplay when our time together is so unpredictable? Making plans for intimacy feels like just another thing to add to my already overflowing schedule. And let’s be real: plans with kids are often doomed to fail.
Even attempts at mindfulness can be hijacked by parental worries. Instead of feeling empowered in my body, I find myself fixating on insecurities, like stretch marks that weren’t there before motherhood. And then, just like that, I’m reminded of an upcoming birthday party that requires cupcakes and a PTA bake sale lurking in the background.
Taking a bubble bath sounds relaxing, but I know I’ll just end up worrying about the dishes piled in the sink. It’s a constant battle to break free from the mental load of motherhood.
I’m determined to rediscover the woman I used to be, the one who could enjoy intimacy without the nagging thoughts of grocery lists and household chores. I know my partner misses her too. There are so many ways to express love beyond just sex, and I need to remind myself of that.
For now, I’m working on easing the self-imposed pressure to be instantly ready for romance. It’s unrealistic, and I understand that it’s a natural shift in my life. I’ll keep communicating my struggles with my partner, reassuring him that my mental transition is not a reflection of my feelings for him. Someday, when the kids are grown, there will be plenty of opportunities for intimacy, even if my body has changed over the years.
In the meantime, I’ll keep seeking solutions, whether it’s through resources like this article on female infertility or exploring home insemination options for our family. I’m also considering the BabyMaker Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit to explore new avenues for expanding our family.
Summary:
The journey from “Mom Mode” to intimacy can be challenging, with the mental load of parenting often getting in the way. Many parents feel overwhelmed by daily responsibilities, making it hard to switch gears and enjoy romantic moments. By communicating openly and easing the pressure to be always ready, couples can navigate these challenges together and find new ways to connect.