Hello, I’m 33 years old, and I’m currently in a troubling relationship. The source of this distress? My mother. While it’s challenging to pinpoint exactly how we arrived at this point, I find myself caught in a cycle of her psychological abuse.
You might be wondering, what actions has she taken? What words did she say? Why would anyone tolerate such behavior as an adult? These are valid inquiries. Interestingly, my mother never resorted to physical violence; there were no strikes or inappropriate touching. We shared moments of joy and laughter, yet here I stand, grappling with the reality of our relationship.
This is the perplexing nature of psychological abuse: it doesn’t begin with overt aggression or verbal assaults. Rather, it starts with affection and care. My mother’s approach was to envelop me in a sense of safety, which, in retrospect, was more of a facade. For years, I didn’t recognize her actions as abusive. But the clarity that hindsight offers is undeniable, and I now understand that I have been subjected to abuse.
My experience with her began subtly. In the early days, there were no violent outbursts; instead, the emotional manipulation began quietly. “Mommy is sad. Don’t you want to comfort her? Show her love. Stay close.” While these statements may not seem alarming at first, they laid the groundwork for a more complex and damaging dynamic. Over time, my mother’s behavior evolved, and she adopted the role of a controlling abuser, using anger and resentment as tools to dominate me.
She would belittle me, hurl insults, and do everything in her power to diminish my spirit, and I absorbed each hurtful word. I became convinced that I was worthless, needy, and a failure. Alongside this emotional torment, she isolated me from my peers, forbidding me from attending social gatherings, which left me with little to no friendships. This isolation persisted for years.
It wasn’t until I turned 18 that I finally broke free, but even then, I struggled to comprehend the extent of her impact on my life. It wasn’t until a recent session with my therapist that I fully articulated the truth: “This needs to end. It’s like I’m trapped in an abusive relationship with my 63-year-old mother.” That realization was a turning point for me.
Psychological abuse manifests in various forms. While some abusers isolate their victims, others belittle and demean them, instilling a sense of worthlessness. Many employ tactics like excessive teasing, screaming, and humiliating their victims. Since psychological abuse often leaves no visible scars, many victims, myself included, remain unaware of their situation until much later in life.
I waged an invisible battle for years, not just against my mother but also within myself. The effects of psychological and emotional abuse are profound, influencing one’s self-esteem, relationships, and mental health. My childhood prepared me for a cycle of abuse, leading me to marry someone who also inflicted emotional and physical harm. The trauma from both relationships left me with anxiety and PTSD—struggles that continue to affect my daily life.
So, what can be done? How can we, as survivors, support one another and break free from these cycles? First, we must create an open dialogue. Speaking out against abuse, offering support, and validating the experiences of others are critical steps. It is essential to recognize these behaviors for what they truly are: abuse. Emotional manipulation, degradation, neglect, and isolation are indeed forms of abuse.
As I navigate my own healing, I am seeking professional help to confront and process my trauma. I am learning how to establish healthy boundaries and reclaim my voice. I still care for my mother—the woman she once was—but I must prioritize my well-being by distancing myself from toxicity.
If you resonate with my story, know that healing is possible. With time, support, and self-compassion, you too can emerge from the shadows of trauma. You are deserving of a life filled with love and respect.
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