Last night, after dinner, my children dispersed to engage in various activities with the neighbors or to ride their bikes before bath time. I found myself alone with my nine-year-old daughter, Ella. Although I had chores waiting for me, like dishes and laundry, I recognized this moment was too precious to let slip away. So, I decided to spend some quality time with her.
We snuggled on the couch, scrolling through old Facebook photos – a contemporary take on flipping through traditional photo albums. I focused on images that featured Ella, recalling moments that made us laugh, like the time she proclaimed, “Mom! I think I’m getting facial hair!” We shared hearty laughs, giving me a chance to appreciate not just the adorable little girl she once was, but also the clever, witty fourth grader she’s become. She leaned against me, soaking in the undivided attention, a reminder that we both needed these moments together.
As a mother of four, it’s challenging to maintain a conversation with one child without another interrupting with questions, complaints, or excited exclamations. With multiple kids, it’s almost inevitable. If only I had a dollar for every time I said, “Just a moment, please, I’m talking to your sister,” I could enjoy a luxurious vacation. Each of my children seeks a piece of me, and often, they are treated as a single entity – The Kids. We take The Kids to the park, The Kids need haircuts, and The Kids have dentist appointments.
While our family unit is incredibly important, it’s crucial to recognize each child as an individual. They need me to connect with them one-on-one. This not only strengthens our bond but also allows me to appreciate the unique qualities each child contributes to our family dynamic. They remind me of distinct flavors in a recipe, each one essential to creating a delightful whole. My children need to feel acknowledged, heard, and valued for their individual strengths.
When they are often treated like a herd, it becomes challenging to ensure that everyone’s needs are met. However, I prioritize these individual moments. By making my children feel special, I help them build self-esteem, a priceless gift that pays dividends over time.
You don’t need to carve out large blocks of time for meaningful interactions. A simple grocery trip with one child can spark conversations as we fill our cart with food – which will vanish in days. Sometimes, one of them helps me prepare dinner. We might even shoot hoops together for a quick ten minutes. Every so often, I make an effort to do something bigger, like taking one of them out for ice cream.
At bedtime, I often sit at the edge of their beds, engaging in conversations that range from the trivial to the profound. It’s remarkable how chatty they can be when trying to delay sleep. These seemingly insignificant moments serve as deposits into their emotional bank accounts. During these times, I gain insight into their lives, helping me navigate the challenges of their teenage years when one-word answers become the norm. It creates a safe space for them to express thoughts or questions they might hesitate to share in front of their siblings.
I can’t ignore the reality that one day, they won’t all live at home. The family dynamic will shift, and our gatherings will become less frequent. While our family bond is vital, the individual relationships I nurture with each child are crucial. They will always know they can turn to me, even in the absence of the whole family.
One-on-one time is beneficial for my kids, but it also enriches me. Stripping away the chaos allows me to see them clearly, fostering a deeper connection. I alternate between amazement and pride as I watch them grow into remarkable individuals. In those moments, I experience the joy of motherhood that fulfills my dreams.
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In summary, prioritizing one-on-one time with each child helps strengthen our familial bonds and fosters their self-esteem while allowing me to appreciate their individuality, enhancing our overall family dynamic.