The term “special needs mom” seems to be everywhere, especially during the holiday season or IEP meetings. There are countless articles, memes, and discussions circulating online. However, I don’t identify with that label.
I am not a “special needs mom.”
Some may assume I fit that description simply because I am deaf. According to the prevailing definitions, being deaf encompasses various “special needs.” But let’s break down what my actual needs are:
- I need opportunities. I possess a lot of potential and require the chance to grow and develop it.
- I need to contribute. It’s important for me to engage in meaningful work that adds value to the world.
- I need joy. I crave laughter and the enjoyment of life.
- I need community. Building connections with friends and acquaintances who understand me is vital.
- I need love. Giving and receiving love is essential to my well-being.
- I need basic necessities. Food, water, air, and financial resources are fundamental for a secure life.
These are not “special” needs; they are universal human needs.
While it’s true that I am a deaf individual with complex PTSD, these characteristics make me a mom with a disability—not a “special needs mom.”
Oh, you meant to refer to me as a “special needs mom” because I have a child with a disability? My daughter, Lily, has Down syndrome, which is often categorized under the “special needs” umbrella. Let’s evaluate her needs:
- She needs opportunities. Just like I do, Lily has immense potential and deserves the chance to flourish.
- She needs to contribute. Engaging in fulfilling activities that benefit the world is crucial for her.
- She needs joy. Laughter and enjoyment in life are vital for her happiness.
- She needs community. Friends and caring individuals who know her are important to her growth.
- She needs love. The ability to give and receive love is fundamental.
- She needs sustenance. Access to food, water, air, and financial stability will help her secure her future.
Again, are these needs “special”? No, they are simply human needs. While Lily has Down syndrome, it defines her as a child with a disability, not a person with “special needs.”
In either context—whether referring to my own disabilities or my daughter’s Down syndrome—I unequivocally do not identify as a “special needs mom.” I am a deaf mom, a disabled mom, and yes, I have a daughter with a disability. Yet, one label I will not accept is that of a “special needs mom.”
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize that the needs of individuals, whether they have disabilities or not, are fundamentally human. Labels can be limiting, and it’s crucial to focus on the universal needs we all share.