At the fifth-grade lunch table, a group of kids laughed as one of my son’s peers remarked, “He’s not really a boy.” The comment was directed toward a cheerful boy at the adjacent table. “Last year, she was a girl,” another child added, while a girl chimed in, “My mom says she’s mentally ill.” The worst of it came from my son’s closest friend, who bluntly stated, “Jack’s a trannie.”
Before I could react, my son jumped in. “He’s transgender,” he asserted. “That means he’s really a boy — with a boy brain in a girl’s body.”
One child smirked, “You don’t know anything. You weren’t even here last year when she was a girl.”
My son, however, stood firm, declaring, “Well, I know Jack. He’s my friend. He’s a boy. He’s transgender.” What they didn’t realize was that my son was transgender too.
After his transition, my son had expressed a desire to switch schools, seeking an environment where he wouldn’t face intentional misgendering or the use of his birth name. The district had preferred he stay with his friends and support system, cautioning about the challenges of transitioning midyear. But we respected his choice, and he transferred.
Following that lunchroom incident, my son struggled to complete the day. He called me, filled with anger and sadness, unable to focus. These were kids he had considered friends, and he had hoped for their acceptance.
“Mom, you said the school had a program discussing transgender issues last year when Jack transitioned. They were supposed to learn about it,” he said, despair evident in his voice.
I reassured him that ignorance was common and began to share a story from my past — about a homophobic teenager raised in a strict religious household. “I used to be a homophobe, but I had a friend, Lisa, who opened my eyes,” I explained. “She was so accepting and showed me how wrong my ideas were without shaming me. If she had responded with anger, I might not have changed.”
“I wanted to explain to them that they were wrong,” my son admitted, staring down at his hands, the weight of the conversation settling over us.
I held my breath, hoping he hadn’t revealed his own identity. “But I didn’t. And then I felt disloyal to Jack,” he confessed.
“You weren’t disloyal. You defended him, and that was the right thing to do,” I reassured him.
“But it wasn’t enough,” he said, frustration bubbling beneath the surface.
While we live in a progressive area with generally supportive schools, the reality is that until society reacts to transphobic comments with the same outrage as racist slurs, we have much work ahead.
Yet, in the face of adversity, there are positive influences. Jack, the confident boy at the lunch table, exemplifies what it means to be transgender. My son, too, is a beacon in his own spaces — in our neighborhood, at his martial arts dojo, and with family.
We now have advocates like my friend Lisa, and organizations such as Gay-Straight Alliances (GSA) in many high schools that promote acceptance for LGBTQIA+ youth. The ignorance of past generations is slowly being dismantled by the understanding of today’s youth.
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Summary
This article discusses a mother’s experience when her transgender son encountered transphobic comments at school. Despite the challenges, the importance of support and understanding in the lives of transgender youth is highlighted, along with the positive changes happening in society.