As a parent, I always thought I was doing right by my 10-year-old son, Ethan. He’s bright, humorous, and sensitive. We are a typical white, middle-class family living in suburbia, engaging in the usual family activities like sports, music lessons, and playdates. Our lives rarely encounter turbulence. However, recent events have compelled me to reevaluate my parenting approach.
The downfall of a prominent figure, Jack Roberts, who faced serious allegations of sexual harassment, served as a wake-up call. The stories emerging from this scandal made me feel a mix of nausea, rage, and sorrow. While the Harvey Weinstein accusations left me horrified, they didn’t surprise me due to the normalization of such behavior in our culture. I expected more accountability from someone like Roberts, who built a career on ethics and integrity.
This led me to ponder how someone like him could justify such actions toward women. What circumstances could make it acceptable for a man to invite a much younger female colleague to his home under the guise of work and then engage in inappropriate behavior? How could he rationalize sharing sexual fantasies with her during late-night calls? As I mulled over these troubling questions, I began to reflect on my role as a mother to a young boy. I realized I had, in many ways, failed both my son and society.
My inclination has been to pamper Ethan because he’s a boy. I’ve overlooked his angry outbursts and let him treat his younger sister, Mia, as inferior. I’ve repeated the very patterns I once despised as a girl. Like many parents before me, I’ve inadvertently given Ethan the impression that his gender affords him leniency in behavior. This mindset fosters the roots of sexism, culminating in behaviors that can cause subtle yet long-lasting harm to women or result in more overt, damaging acts, as highlighted by the many allegations against powerful men.
Michelle Obama once remarked that “we love our boys, and raise our girls.” She astutely pointed out, “We raise [girls] to be strong, and sometimes we take care not to hurt men — and I think we pay for that a little bit.” I often find myself worrying that I’m being too tough on Ethan, frequently softening my words, a practice I don’t extend to Mia.
I hesitate to impose consequences on him. His resentment towards having a younger sibling sometimes shows in his treatment of Mia, especially when he sees her joy and feels overshadowed. When he belittles her with sarcastic comments, I intervene, labeling it as bullying, but I stop short of taking further action. I fail to discuss what it means to exist within a patriarchal society and the privileges that come with being a white male. It’s crucial to teach him to acknowledge his advantages and act with awareness, questioning implicit biases and treating others with respect.
Our community is predominantly homogenous, which creates an environment of conformity. The pressure to fit in can lead to negative behaviors. Boys often mimic the disrespectful actions of their peers, believing that such behaviors are acceptable. My son’s occasional bouts of anger, especially as he approaches puberty, often prompt me to look for underlying reasons rather than addressing the behavior itself. I find myself grappling with the broader societal question of why men are often privileged over women.
To counterbalance this, I engage in feminist literature and community activities like forming a Girl Scout troop, empowering Mia to cope with her brother’s unkindness. Therapy sessions have also become part of our routine, but it’s evident that Ethan needs tangible consequences for his actions. Yelling and aggression must not be tolerated. I can’t help but wonder how many instances of verbal abuse went unnoticed in the childhoods of figures like Harvey Weinstein and Jack Roberts, and how many people turned a blind eye.
While it’s essential for children to learn to navigate the harmful behaviors of others, we can’t simply dismiss the impact of sexism. It’s time for me to have open conversations with Ethan about the reality of privilege and sexism, and to enforce consequences for unkindness or abusive behavior. I refuse to allow his actions to slide merely because he’s “just being a boy.”
In conclusion, I hope to instill in Ethan a sense of responsibility and awareness about his actions. It’s a small step that I believe could lead to significant change in how he perceives and interacts with the world around him.
For more insights, check out this excellent resource on the IVF process, and for those interested in home insemination, consider visiting this authority on the subject as well as our other blog about privacy here.