My youngest daughter was a slow learner when it came to potty training. She experienced accidents well into her 8th year and needed night-time protection until she turned 10. No matter how I tried to limit her fluid intake before bed or woke her up to use the bathroom, it didn’t seem to help. Now that she’s 11, I’ve learned that when she says she needs to go, she really does. The time between her urge and actual relief can be quite brief, and I’ve even kept some empty water bottles in the car for emergencies.
I became concerned about her situation when she was just 4 years old, especially since her older siblings didn’t face similar challenges. However, my pediatrician reassured me that every child is different; the ability to control one’s bladder varies from child to child. She advised against making it a big deal, as shaming a child for accidents could lead to more insecurity and worsen the problem.
Once my daughter started elementary school, I quickly noticed that her bathroom breaks were restricted. This raised alarms for me; how would this affect a child whose bodily functions were already more challenging? As my pediatrician had emphasized, children develop at their own pace and should be allowed to use the restroom whenever necessary, rather than being made to feel it’s a special privilege. Yet, many schools enforce strict bathroom breaks and limit the number of passes students can use.
For instance, in fifth grade, my daughter is allowed only three bathroom passes per month or during designated transition times. If she manages not to use her passes, she’s rewarded with lunch and a cookie with a teacher. Really? A reward for not using the restroom? That’s simply ludicrous.
Many adults worry about students “misusing” their bathroom privileges. However, I believe this concern is overblown. If a child does misuse the privilege, it should be addressed individually rather than imposing blanket rules affecting all students. Offering incentives for not responding to their bodily needs sends the wrong message.
Children who have struggled with potty training may take longer to recognize their urges, sometimes realizing they need to go only when it’s almost too late. Creating an environment where a child might suffer an accident at school because they’ve exhausted their bathroom passes or wanted a treat is unacceptable.
Dr. Jason Moore, a pediatric urologist, stated in an article for Parents, “Students should be allowed to go to the restroom as soon as they feel the urge — not after waiting for an arbitrary length of time. This is a health issue that shouldn’t be taken lightly.” He further explained that holding in urine can lead to lasting damage to a child’s bladder, increasing their risk for accidents, bed-wetting, and urinary tract infections. The consequences of ignoring the urge to have a bowel movement can be even more severe. My daughter often comes home saying she had to hold it all day to avoid missing out on lunch treats.
As an adult, I can’t imagine coordinating my bathroom breaks to fit someone else’s schedule; it’s simply too much to ask of children. We can certainly allow flexibility for bathroom access while still addressing individual behavioral concerns, such as playing in the hallways. However, restricting bathroom breaks and rewarding children for not using the toilet does nothing to support their well-being or education.
As Dr. Moore points out, “children can harm their internal organs and damage their self-esteem. Nothing is more humiliating for a child than having to walk to the nurse’s office in soiled pants.” Using the bathroom is a basic bodily function; it should never be treated as a privilege or taken away as punishment.
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Summary
Restricting children’s access to bathrooms in schools is not only detrimental to their health but also undermines their confidence and well-being. Each child develops at their own pace, and imposing strict rules can lead to physical and emotional harm. Prioritizing a child’s need to use the restroom as a fundamental right, rather than a privilege, is essential for their overall development.