Kids can be absolutely revolting, and their disregard for cleanliness often leads to some truly bizarre discoveries. Case in point: I recently found a sticky, half-eaten piece of candy on the floor next to our toilet. Which one of my three delightful children was responsible? It’s anyone’s guess, but clearly, one of them had taken a bite and decided it was no longer appealing.
What had once been a chewy treat—perhaps a Starburst or one of those odd fruit-flavored Tootsie Rolls—was now a gooey, sugary mess stuck to my bathroom floor. The area around the toilet is hardly a hygienic zone, but typically it’s not home to a chewed-up lump of candy floating in its own syrupy residue.
In disbelief, I pried the sticky candy off the tile and promptly tossed it into the toilet, hoping it would follow the path of all other unmentionable things. After I flushed, I took a quick glance into the bowl, expecting it to be gone, but no! There it was, stubbornly clinging to the porcelain like a fruity pink barnacle. Definitely not going in after that.
Surely, being made of sugar, it would dissolve eventually, right? Or at least get whisked away with the next flush, I thought.
Later, while I was folding laundry in the next room, my partner walked in to use the toilet. “Uh, Jamie?” he called out. “Is this… candy in the toilet? Do I even want to know?”
After explaining the situation, I jokingly suggested he might be able to dislodge it with a well-aimed stream of urine. He accepted the challenge, a little too eagerly for a man in his thirties, and aimed straight for the candy. However, despite his precision, it remained firmly attached, even after a second flush.
As a busy mom, I had far more pressing matters to attend to, and frankly, I had no desire to fish it out. So I left it there, yet again.
When it was time to leave the house, I reminded the kids to use the bathroom one last time. My youngest, Jake, who was four at the time, went in and I heard him peeing. There was an unusually long pause before the toilet flushed, and when he finally emerged… he was chewing.
My stomach dropped. I hesitated but asked anyway, “Jake, what’s in your mouth?”
“Just some candy,” he mumbled through a mouthful of gooey pink.
“And did you get it… from the toilet?”
He nodded casually, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, like it was an unexpected treasure. Free candy! And then—he swallowed it.
To sum it up: My child consumed a piece of candy that had been chewed up by someone else, spat onto the bathroom floor, tossed into the toilet, marinated in toilet water for at least an hour, and urinated on by three different people.
I was horrified and nauseated. My partner, however, found it hilarious. Thankfully, Jake is now nine and I never miss an opportunity to remind him of that day whenever he turns his nose up at dinner (as if my chili could possibly be worse than toilet candy!). I look forward to sharing this unforgettable tale with his future partner when they lean in for a kiss.
Ah, the wonderfully gross realities of parenting! If you’re interested in more parenting stories, check out our other posts at intracervicalinsemination.com. For those considering starting a family, Make a Mom has great resources on home insemination. And for more in-depth information on pregnancy, News Medical is an excellent resource.
Summary: Parenting can lead to truly bizarre and gross moments, like discovering chewed candy in the bathroom. One mother shares her shocking experience when her son unknowingly eats candy that had been discarded in the toilet. This humorous yet stomach-churning tale captures the chaos of family life and the unexpected surprises that come with it.