It’s that season once again! The 2017 GOOP holiday gift guide is officially out. Gwyneth Paltrow and her team have curated another collection of extravagant items that most people can only dream of affording. This year’s lineup is sure to amuse, frustrate, and leave you feeling a bit envious. A true holiday tradition!
In a bid to embrace the humor surrounding her lavish selections, Gwyneth introduced a section labeled “The Ridiculous But Awesome Gift Guide” last year. While we appreciate the attempt, it’s hard to ignore the fact that this is still a world far removed from reality for many of us. Let’s dive into the selections.
At-Home Float Tank from Royal Spa, $16,500
At first, I mistook this for a futuristic, glowing toilet, and honestly, I wouldn’t have been opposed to that idea. However, it’s actually a water-filled pod that you get inside and then seal up. Apparently, rich people enjoy a bit of claustrophobia mixed with relaxation. Personally, the thought of floating in darkness within a plastic coffin is my idea of a nightmare. Cheers to you, Aunt Shelley. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ural Sidecar Motorcycle, starting at $14,499
This motorcycle is described as “for you and your ride or die.” Originating from Russia, it’s meant for those daring enough to traverse harsh terrains — think 400 miles of icy wilderness. Or, you could just toss your dog in and ride to the PTA meeting. That’s totally not over-the-top, right?
Rose Gold Champagne Tumbler, $2,590
What better way to celebrate “Rosé all day” than with a single $3,000 cup? No, Sheila, this is not a set; it’s merely one extravagant vessel. Don’t forget to bring your own rose gold tumbler. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Blink And You’ll Miss It Remote Camp, price on request
I’m not entirely sure what this experience entails, but it seems akin to “Naked and Afraid” for the elite. A company drops you in an isolated location with a custom tent, and you’re expected to enjoy your time in the wilderness — because nothing says fun like being stranded in the middle of nowhere. But hey, it’s great for Instagram!
Chocolate Cutter, price upon request
Another item with a price that can only be described as “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.” It’s a chocolate cutter that looks like it’s struggling with its task. Who, pray tell, needs to slice a Reese’s into four pieces? That’s not how you enjoy a Reese’s! You nibble the edges first, then devour the rest. UGH.
Stuffed Animal Chairs, price on request
I’m genuinely curious about where one would even sit on these. I’d rather not know the cost because it’s bound to irritate me — especially since they’re currently sold out.
Yellow Submarine, price on request
Now it seems that prices are a mystery for the elite. This item is humorously tagged “For when the yacht is in the shop.” It makes me wonder what’s up with rich folks and their fascination with quirky, claustrophobic toys.
E! reported that accumulating everything from this year’s guide would set you back over 6 million dollars. Truly, Gwyneth remains consistent in her approach!
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In summary, the 2017 GOOP Holiday Gift Guide provides a mix of extravagant and peculiar items, highlighting the often absurd nature of luxury gifts. Whether for laughter or sheer disbelief, this year’s guide continues to spark conversations about wealth and consumerism during the holiday season.