As the holiday season approaches, the question of whether to compel our children to show physical affection, like hugging relatives, often arises. Increasingly, parents are leaning towards the perspective that it’s inappropriate to force children into such displays of affection, especially if they feel uncomfortable. The Girl Scouts have recently weighed in on this topic with an article titled, “Reminder: Your Daughter Doesn’t Owe Anyone A Hug. Not Even At The Holidays.”
The organization has been making significant strides in promoting female empowerment and self-confidence, and this article is no exception. They emphasize that telling girls they owe someone a hug—be it a relative they haven’t seen in a while or someone who gave them a gift—can set a troubling precedent. It might lead them to question if they owe physical affection to anyone who does something nice for them in the future.
This concept isn’t far-fetched. If children are conditioned to believe they must provide physical affection out of obligation, they may feel pressured to reciprocate affection in uncomfortable situations later in life. Physical closeness should never be viewed as a requirement or an act to avoid appearing rude; it should be an expression of genuine feelings.
The Critique of Enforced Affection
However, some critics, like journalist Sarah Thompson, dismiss this viewpoint as absurd. She argues that encouraging children to hug their relatives is akin to prompting them to use the bathroom before a trip or ensuring they buckle up in a car seat. Thompson suggests that these interactions can help children discern between appropriate and inappropriate touch. But there is a critical distinction here: the latter scenarios are about safety and well-being, while enforcing physical affection can undermine a child’s autonomy.
The assertion that allowing a child to opt out of hugging family members somehow sexualizes innocent interactions ignores the uncomfortable reality of child sexual abuse, which often involves someone the child knows—34% of the time, a family member. The Girl Scouts’ involvement in this discussion is particularly poignant, as 82% of sexual abuse victims are girls. By teaching our daughters that they don’t owe hugs to relatives, we empower them to assert control over their bodies and diminish undue influence from potential abusers.
Empowering Children Through Choice
This doesn’t mean we need to explain the harsh realities of abuse to very young children. Instead, we must communicate that physical affection is a choice, not an obligation. Parents often feel pressured to prioritize adults’ feelings over their children’s comfort, but it’s essential to instill in them that they have the right to choose whom they feel comfortable being affectionate toward.
While it may be disappointing for some family members, prioritizing a child’s autonomy in choosing when to hug or kiss someone is vital. It’s time to support our children in understanding their rights around physical affection.
Further Reading
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Summary
The article discusses the ongoing conversation about whether children should be compelled to hug relatives, emphasizing the importance of allowing children to make their own choices regarding physical affection. The Girl Scouts advocate for empowering girls to assert their boundaries, particularly in light of the realities of child sexual abuse, where familiarity often plays a role in victimization.