Twenty Questions I Can’t Quite Answer

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Parenting is a wild ride, full of endless inquiries from our little ones. I once read that kids ask around 250 questions a day. Multiply that by my three kids, and you can imagine the constant state of bewilderment I’m in—hence the wine in the shower routine!

Most questions are simple and don’t require much thought—like “Why are you shouting at that guy if he can’t hear you?” (Because he’s driving like a total jerk!). However, some inquiries leave me scratching my head, like “Why do we have eyebrows?” For those, I have Google. But then there are the big questions that I kind of know the answers to, yet struggle to explain adequately to a child. These questions can lead us down confusing paths, and if I’m not careful, I could end up creating a lifetime of therapy sessions for them.

Here are 20 of those big questions, along with the answers that bounce around in my mind:

1. Where are the cows on that truck headed? To a better place, let’s say.
2. Why do you and Dad share a bed? Honestly, I’m too tired to even think about it most nights, plus, wine helps.
3. What’s this song about? Wait, what? How long have I been daydreaming? Is that a lake? Is it still Tuesday?
4. Why do you wear mascara? Because I’m a hypocrite when I tell you to be yourself and that true friends will love you for who you are.
5. Where was I before I was born? The same place as the cows, wherever that is.
6. Why do we have to make our beds? Because I had to do it when I was a kid. Now eat your lunch!
7. Anything involving time measurements. Ugh, it’s just… I don’t know how to explain it! Let’s just say we’ll go to the zoo in two cartoons, okay?
8. How did that baby get in her tummy? … Who wants ice cream?
9. How did I get out of your tummy? That’s a complicated story.
10. Why is it thundering? Is that thunder? I thought my headache was just getting worse.
11. Why do you forget things? Because I’ve done things in my life that probably killed off a few brain cells.
12. Why are you staring at your phone and not responding? Because I really don’t want to talk right now.
13. What’s a tampon for? My body sure has a weird way of sharing good news.
14. Does everyone die? Yes, and it’s a scary thought, and you should feel that way too.
15. Why do we go to the dentist if we’re all going to die? Because I want you to have nice teeth when you find your soulmate.
16. Why don’t you have a job? Because you and your siblings require constant attention, and my clients were a lot to handle too.
17. What are hot dogs made of? Probably nightmares.
18. If fast food is bad, why do we go to Taco Bell? I’m just hoping there’s a magic pill to fix this later.
19. Why do people drink beer? Because laundry is never-ending.
20. How does a falling star grant wishes if it’s just a rock? Because Santa isn’t real.

Despite the chaos, what I cherish most about kids is their boundless curiosity and the fresh perspectives they bring to life. I just hope they don’t find out the real reason why Mommy and Daddy share a bed!

If you’re looking for more insights into parenting and related topics, check out this engaging post. For those considering at-home insemination, BabyMaker’s syringe kits are a great resource. And for further information on pregnancy and insemination, visit Johns Hopkins Medicine.

In summary, parenting is a delightful yet exhausting journey filled with questions that can sometimes stump even the most seasoned of adults. But amidst the chaos, the wonder kids bring into our lives is irreplaceable.