The biting phase in childhood is undeniably tough. As a parent who has experienced both sides of the situation—having a child who bites and one who has been bitten—I can confidently say that one of these roles is far more challenging for a parent than the other. Spoiler alert: it’s not the child on the receiving end of those bites.
When my son, Ethan, was just about a year old, he came home from daycare with the dreaded incident report. He had been bitten by another child. Like many new moms, I was understandably upset. Initially, I overreacted—thinking, “This is an emergency! Someone needs to intervene!” However, after cooling down and remembering that biting is a common behavior among toddlers, I realized that Ethan was unharmed and that this was just part of growing up. To this day, I ask him if he recalls that incident (or rather, those incidents, as it happened a few times), and he has no memory of it.
Fast forward to just a few weeks ago when I received a call about another biting incident. This time, however, my daughter Mia was the one doing the biting. My cheerful and affectionate Mia had bitten a classmate—not once, but four times in ten days, leading to a call from the director about “action steps.” Oh great.
Once again, I was taken aback, but this incident felt exponentially worse. This time, I couldn’t help but take it personally. Was this a reflection of my parenting skills? Was Mia on a path towards becoming a little monster? Would this mark the start of a lifetime of aggression? I knew these thoughts were irrational, but as parents, we often spiral into a whirlwind of worries about our children’s futures.
After unwinding with a glass or two of wine, I reminded myself that biting is a normal behavior for toddlers. According to my research, her teachers, and even discussions with colleagues, biting often occurs when children are teething (check!) and haven’t yet developed the vocabulary to express themselves (check!).
We’ve now enjoyed a couple of weeks without any biting incidents. That said, I still feel a twinge of anxiety whenever my phone rings, fearing it’s another call about Mia’s behavior. I might even ask you to sign a waiver acknowledging the potential risks of a playdate with my little one, but beyond that, we’re managing quite well. And if you happen to be the parent of a child who’s been bitten by my daughter, I sincerely apologize—she must have a very sweet-tasting temperament!
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In summary, while the biting stage can be a harrowing experience for parents, it’s essential to remember that it is a common part of childhood development. With patience and understanding, most children will move past this phase.