As I reflect on the journey of my marriage, I find myself at a significant milestone: 14 years together. It’s been an adventure filled with ups and downs, and I can’t help but remember that chilly October day when I exchanged vows with a charming and intelligent man—one I was completely smitten with. I wore a stunning dress, ticked off the “something old, new, borrowed, and blue” checklist, but little did I know, the true essence of marriage would unfold long after the wedding bells faded.
In retrospect, those early years were just the beginning of truly understanding what it means to be married. The focus on the extravagant dress, the botched bouquet that made me tear up, the music at the reception, and the lavish cake—which cost nearly as much as a year’s worth of private school tuition—pales in comparison to the real work that marriage requires.
Marriage is about commitment, especially during the hardest times when giving up seems like the easiest choice. It’s about forgiveness, even when dishonesty has crept in. It’s about maintaining respect, even when faced with disrespect. It’s a journey filled with empathy during moments of loss and providing words of comfort when your partner feels uncertain about the future.
Over the years, we sought guidance from various marriage counselors, attempting to improve our communication skills. It’s about admitting when you’re wrong, even if my husband likes to joke that I’m never at fault. It involves finding laughter in the chaos, like when I was overwhelmed as a new mother, struggling with breastfeeding while my husband was helplessly trying to help (don’t ask!).
Believing in your partner during their moments of doubt is crucial. It’s about loving one another, regardless of changes in appearance. It’s mustering the energy to care for our four children, tackling endless homework, and managing the daily chaos of parenting. Patience is key—whether during late-night feedings with a fussy baby or enduring months of nightmares after too many late-night cartoons.
It’s resisting the urge to hide when your partner cheers a little too loud at the kids’ soccer games. It’s supporting an anxious child who, despite their brilliance, questions their own abilities. It’s sharing heartache during tough times, such as when a phone call brings devastating news about health. True marriage means being there for each other through sickness and despair, showing kindness when you might feel depleted.
You hold it together when faced with medical challenges, reminding yourself that the vibrant person you fell in love with is still there, even if they don’t seem like it at times. The love I feel now is far deeper than the butterflies of our early romance or even the passion of our wedding night (although I may not have fully appreciated that after a few too many amaretto sours).
The joy of creating life together, the moment you gaze into your child’s eyes, is immeasurable. It’s knowing that the vows we made are not just words but a commitment we live every day, through every trial and triumph. This journey is about being together through illness and health, joy and sorrow, all the days of our lives.
That’s what I’ve come to understand about marriage, and this realization is what truly matters.
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Summary
Marriage is a profound commitment that transcends the ceremony itself. It’s about perseverance, love, and understanding throughout life’s challenges. Through laughter, heartache, and growth, true companionship is built and cherished.