Recently, I found myself on a mission, scouring the aisles of not one, not two, but three different stores in search of my beloved Equal sweetener packets for my coffee. To my utter dismay, each location was completely out of stock. Empty shelves and no hidden reserves in the back (believe me, I checked). This can only indicate one thing: the end of days is upon us.
In a panic, I immediately placed an order for two massive boxes through Amazon (thank goodness for that speedy two-day Prime delivery!) and took to social media to share my plight. Warning, everyone! A fresh crisis looms. How on earth will we survive without Equal sweetener in our coffee?
It didn’t take long for my well-intentioned friends to chime in with their suggestions for alternatives to this “dangerous” sweetener. “JUST USE REAL SUGAR,” some shouted in all caps. Raw, cane, coconut—you name it. Honestly, I had no clue there were so many types. While I get the allure of natural sugar, given my coffee consumption (roughly 10 cups a day—seriously), I’d need to spend countless hours at the gym to work off that amount. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Plus, the latest USDA dietary guidelines indicate we should only consume 10 teaspoons of sugar daily, which wouldn’t even cover my morning coffee alone. Meanwhile, the safe limit for Equal is a whopping seventy-five packets! Take that, naysayers!
Of course, there are those warnings about artificial sweeteners being harmful. To which I say: FAKE NEWS. Numerous experts have debunked poorly conducted animal studies and misleading PR campaigns that falsely linked these sweeteners to cancer.
Even if there’s a risk, I’m willing to take it. A life devoid of coffee and a couple of Equals isn’t a life worth living.
Let’s be real: I’ve tried other options. Sweet’N Low tastes like a disaster waiting to happen and makes my mouth feel odd. Agave nectar is far too complicated for my simple tastes, and Stevia? No thanks. One friend, who can’t have sugar for health reasons, swears by Splenda. Fine, whatever. Just hand me my blue packets of Equal, and we’ll all be fine.
I appreciate the concern, but you’ll have to wrest those fake sugar packets from my tightly clenched fists because I’m not giving them up. Sure, I’ve kicked a minor addiction to fake butter spray, so anything is possible. But honestly? I just don’t want to give it up. At 40 years old, no one can dictate my choices.
Here’s the reality: there’s a lot of negativity in the world, and artificial sweeteners bring me happiness—specifically Equal sweetener. You can keep your nasty pink packets; without a little sweetness, my coffee tastes like bitter water. So please, just let me have my sweetener and spare me the lecture.
After engaging in a fair bit of online debate, it’s clear everyone has their own preferences regarding sweetness. So, let’s agree to disagree. You can keep pouring that bitter Sweet’N Low into your coffee, and I’ll stick with my joyful blue packets of Equal.
And if you want to discuss fake creamers, that’s a whole other kettle of fish.
For more intriguing discussions on similar topics, check out this post on home insemination. It’s worth a read! And if you’re looking for an authority on artificial insemination, you should visit Make a Mom. For excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, American Pregnancy is a fantastic option.
In summary, my love affair with artificial sweeteners is here to stay. Despite the naysayers, I’ll continue enjoying my coffee with Equal sweetener, no matter the criticism.