If you’re responsible for teaching young children, it’s crucial to grasp the fundamental stages of child development and adjust your expectations accordingly. At a minimum, understanding age-appropriate behavior and practicing patience (and empathy) with the diverse range of kids you encounter is essential. This principle is especially vital for the youngest learners, which is why a recent newsletter shared by a mother regarding her child’s preschool has left many of us completely perplexed.
The letter begins by noting that the second month of preschool has started, then quickly transitions into a lengthy reprimand aimed at both the young children and their parents: “We’ve made it through a challenging first month filled with tears, noncompliance, attitudes, and excessive talking instead of sitting when asked. We work on this daily at school, but we need assistance from home as well. We understand that kids prefer to play and talk, but that’s not how school functions. Preschool serves as a precursor to ‘big’ school, and mastering these behaviors is crucial for that next step. We cannot simply say our kids dislike coloring and sitting still, as these activities are integral to Kindergarten and first grade. Please dedicate five or ten minutes each day to practice these skills with your child, and you will notice improvements. Some kids have already shown progress. We recognize that life is fast-paced and parents are busy, but adults must take charge and help children understand these expectations. Talk to your child about the importance of sharing, avoiding conflicts, and learning to coexist with peers. Remind them that once toys are put away, they don’t come back out because we transition to learning.”
Wow. The mention of “attitudes” left me stunned, and I had to read through the rest before I could even process my shock. There are numerous issues with this letter, and it’s hard to know where to begin.
For context, preschoolers are typically around 3 to 4 years old, and one of the kids in the class isn’t even 3 yet. At this tender age, they are just starting to develop basic verbal skills, some are still in diapers, most thrive on naps, and their attention spans are notoriously fleeting.
Let’s break down why the first month at this preschool was deemed “challenging”:
Tears
Yes, preschoolers cry. They have limited experience managing their emotions, and feelings can be overwhelming and difficult to express. If these little ones are not accustomed to being away from their parents, separation anxiety can exacerbate their distress. They often struggle when faced with expectations that are beyond their capabilities, which—just a hunch—may contribute to the challenges described in the letter.
Attitudes and Unwillingness
Again, we’re talking about 3- and 4-year-olds. At this stage, children begin asserting their independence, even if they haven’t yet learned how to manage it effectively. “Unwillingness” is typical at this developmental stage, especially when they are asked to perform tasks they aren’t emotionally or developmentally prepared for—such as consistently understanding and following rules, sitting quietly, or sharing with peers. Gaining compliance from preschoolers is more of an art than a given; you can’t simply demand it because you asked.
Not Obeying Rules
Most preschools have a few simple guidelines like “Use inside voices,” “Keep your hands to yourself,” and “Be kind.” Even with these basics, it’s unreasonable to expect preschool-aged children to remember and adhere to rules without frequent reminders, particularly during the initial month. Learning to follow rules is part of the preschool experience, and it takes time and significant patience.
Too Much Talking and Not Enough Sitting
This part genuinely saddened me. Preschoolers learn best through play and exploration. Expecting them to remain seated for long periods is unrealistic. Engaging kids and encouraging them to follow directions at this age requires skill and creativity—it’s not a military boot camp; it’s preschool!
Preparation for “Big” School
Suggesting that a 3-year-old should be coloring because they’ll need to in kindergarten is akin to saying that first-graders should already memorize multiplication tables for third grade. It lacks any developmental logic. There is a substantial difference between a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old, and every preschooler develops at their own pace. Preschool should cater to the unique needs of this age group, not mimic the structure of “big” school.
Acknowledging the Fast-Paced World of Working Parents
This remark feels like a jab at working parents, especially after asking them to spend 5 or 10 minutes daily with their kids. The underlying message seems to be: If you weren’t so busy with work, you could dedicate more time to properly preparing your child for preschool.
The mother who shared this letter mentioned that the teacher made her feel as if her preschooler were a troublemaker. “Reading this newsletter initially made me uneasy, as if I was being scolded as a mother,” she shared. “Later that day, I felt anger; it came off as condescending, implying I wasn’t fulfilling my role as a stay-at-home mom and needed guidance on what to do.”
Even the manner in which these criticisms were conveyed to parents was inappropriate. Doesn’t this teacher understand the concept of a “positivity sandwich”? Generally, when delivering criticism, one should start with positive observations, follow with areas needing improvement, and conclude with encouraging remarks. Diving straight into complaints about very young children is not only poor form but is unlikely to achieve the desired results.
While I often give people the benefit of the doubt, I struggle to justify the content of this newsletter—especially considering there are only eight kids in this class. The way the teacher portrayed the initial month led me to envision a chaotic room filled with 20 or more energetic children and an overwhelmed teacher. But for just eight preschoolers to elicit such a harsh response? Really?
If my child’s preschool sent home a letter like this, I would withdraw them immediately, leaving the crayon caddy spinning. Anyone who complains about 3-year-olds’ attitudes and their reluctance to sit and color on command during their first month of preschool likely shouldn’t be in charge of teaching that age group.
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Summary:
This article critiques a preschool newsletter that rebukes both children and parents for not meeting certain expectations in the first month of school. The author emphasizes the developmental inappropriateness of the complaints, particularly given the young ages of the children, and highlights the need for understanding and patience in early childhood education.