Agoraphobia is an overwhelming fear of being in open spaces, crowded areas, public transport, shopping malls, schools, restaurants — essentially anywhere outside the comfort of your home. When grappling with it, even the thought of an upcoming outing can send your heart racing.
Typically, it begins with anxiety linked to one or two specific locations, often triggered by a panic attack in those settings. The fear is that returning to those places will lead to another panic attack. It sounds irrational, right? But anxiety often operates in a way that defies logic, making you anticipate the worst-case scenario at every turn.
As agoraphobia intensifies, the fear can extend to every location outside your home, potentially leading to becoming housebound or only venturing into familiar areas where you feel safe. It can truly disrupt your life. I understand this firsthand.
Since I was eight, I’ve dealt with anxiety. On the surface, I appear calm and composed, but beneath that exterior lies a history of severe panic attacks, which have often been accompanied by agoraphobia.
When I turned sixteen, a significant disagreement with my father and stepmother left me feeling unheard and unsafe. My dad lived across the country from my mother, with whom I mostly resided. As a teenager, expressing how toxic my time at my dad’s was became challenging, leading to a massive panic attack during a flight to visit him. The combination of being confined in an airplane and going to a place that felt emotionally perilous was a perfect storm for anxiety. (And no amount of reassurance about air travel safety can comfort someone with a fear of flying; rationality doesn’t always help.)
Following that panic attack, I developed a paralyzing fear of flying. Soon after, my anxiety spread to all forms of transportation and then to crowded public spaces — anywhere I felt trapped. My last two years of high school turned into a game of avoidance, severely restricting my life.
At that time, I truly believed I was alone in my struggle. I confided in very few about the depths of my anxiety, convinced I was losing my mind. However, I later discovered that I wasn’t alone; around 1.7% of the population experiences agoraphobia. While that might not seem like a lot, it translates to millions of individuals in the U.S. alone. I suspect the actual number is even higher, as many people feel too ashamed to speak out about their struggles.
Imagine admitting that your anxiety prevents you from ordering a burger at a diner or sends you into a panic at the thought of shopping for sneakers at the mall.
Eventually, I sought psychotherapy, which helped me manage some of my agoraphobic tendencies, leading to a period of improvement. But anxiety is a chronic condition. For those of us susceptible to panic and agoraphobia, it can resurface at any time.
I experienced two relapses since my teenage years. The first occurred after 9/11. Though I was blocks away from the tragedy, the day’s trauma made it challenging for me to be in certain locations in the city for months afterward, fearing another attack.
The second relapse happened after my first child was born. I had always struggled with a sensitive stomach, but after childbirth, I developed severe IBS. Rushing to the bathroom with a screaming toddler in tow is not ideal, and after a few close calls, I developed a fear of being anywhere alone with my kids.
Both relapses ultimately subsided, thanks to therapy and confronting my fears through exposure therapy, which is as daunting as it sounds but can be effective.
As a writer, I often share my experiences with anxiety and panic disorders, but I’ve only scratched the surface regarding agoraphobia. It’s a topic filled with shame for me, and admitting that irrational thoughts have controlled my life is hard.
While I’m currently in a relatively good place, remnants of agoraphobia linger. I hesitate before making plans and constantly assess how long I can endure being in a crowded place. I still fear experiencing another panic attack.
I share my journey because I believe it’s vital. Agoraphobia is real, common, and there’s no shame in discussing it. Help is available, and even when it seems impossible to feel better, taking that first step toward healing is key. The outside world is filled with experiences waiting for you, and you deserve to embrace them confidently. Don’t let anxiety rob you of another moment.
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In summary, agoraphobia is an often misunderstood anxiety disorder that can profoundly affect one’s life. It’s important to know that you’re not alone and that support is available. By addressing your fears and seeking help, you can reclaim your life and enjoy the world around you.