A few years ago, I penned what I intended to be a lighthearted article for this platform titled “Expecting While Plus-Size.” It garnered significant attention on social media, with thousands of shares, and many women reached out to express their gratitude for my candid account of having healthy pregnancies as a size 20. These heartfelt messages were a source of comfort for those grappling with feelings of shame and insecurity about their own bodies during pregnancy. It was a privilege to provide some humor and reassurance.
Those touching notes were a lifeline amidst the harsh criticism and condescending remarks from body-shaming trolls online. Ironically, if their aim was to make me feel ashamed of my size, they didn’t need to bother. I have struggled with self-acceptance for most of my life, but everything shifted when my daughter was born—a mini version of me. She is beautiful in her own right, and if I harbor self-hatred, what example am I setting for her?
From that moment on, I committed to embodying Gloria Steinem’s wisdom: “If you and I, every time we pass a mirror, downgrade our appearance, remember that a young girl is watching us and learning from our behavior.”
Challenging Unrealistic Beauty Standards
The beauty standards that prevail in our society are unrealistic and often unattainable. Most female models and actresses fit a narrow mold: tall, extremely thin, and often lacking any visible imperfections. These traits are largely genetic, and even minor flaws are typically masked by makeup, styling, and digital editing.
This unattainable ideal leaves 95% of women feeling inadequate and unworthy of love, attraction, or the right to feel beautiful. Women of color, those with scars, disabilities, or larger sizes, and anyone who deviates from conventional femininity face not just exclusion but often ridicule and shame, leading to a feeling of worthlessness.
Modeling Self-Love for My Daughters
So, how do I prepare my daughters for a world that may not be kind? It’s my responsibility to model self-love and resilience. I aim to raise them to be bold and confident, starting with my own actions. Even on days when I feel unappealing, I refrain from criticizing my appearance in front of them. Instead, I celebrate myself, speaking positively about my body and its capabilities.
When discussing body image, I openly refer to myself as fat—it’s just an adjective, not a slur. By embracing this term, I refuse to let it hold power over me. I also take the opportunity to teach my children that beauty is diverse, encompassing all shapes, sizes, and colors.
I focus on what my body can achieve, like hiking, swimming, and practicing yoga with my kids. I’ve shifted my wardrobe choices to reflect what makes me feel confident and attractive, instead of hiding behind oversized clothing. I celebrate my curves and enjoy the attention I attract (mostly from my husband), believing I deserve to feel desired and fulfilled.
Sometimes, it’s a challenge to stand tall against societal beauty norms while silencing the inner critic that pushes me to hide. But for my daughters’ sake, I’m determined to project confidence and positivity, knowing that the example I set will empower them against negativity.
Resources for Self-Love and Body Positivity
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Summary
In this article, the author shares her journey of self-acceptance as a plus-size mother, emphasizing the importance of modeling confidence and body positivity for her daughters. She discusses the unrealistic beauty standards that many women face while advocating for celebrating diverse beauty and healthy choices. By refusing to let negative societal perceptions dictate her self-worth, she aims to instill a sense of empowerment in her children.