Being a child today can be quite challenging. As parents, it can be even more daunting to watch our kids navigate a world that seems far more complicated than the one we grew up in. Many of us often ponder how to shield our children from the numerous challenges that arise before they reach adulthood.
My two daughters, aged 15 and 10, often face their own set of hurdles, and I’ve discovered a strategy that seems to work wonders. It’s a simple yet effective mantra: “We are problem-solvers.”
We began sharing this phrase when my girls were very young, and they’ve heard it so often that it now elicits a playful eye-roll at times. But whenever we encounter a challenge, we simply remind ourselves, “We are problem-solvers.”
For instance, if my daughter can’t find her shoes when we’re rushing to her game, I might say, “I’m not sure where your shoes are, but I know we are problem-solvers! What steps can we take?” Similarly, if we face a family disagreement, I’ll remind them, “We might not know how to resolve this right now, but we’re a family of problem-solvers. Let’s figure it out together.”
I’ve seen my daughters persist through difficulties, and instead of commenting on their intelligence, I emphasize their perseverance: “I noticed how you tackled that challenge until you found a solution. I’m proud of you. I love problem-solvers!”
This approach has its ups and downs, but it is genuinely cultivating a problem-solving mindset in them. My youngest, Lily, has a significant fear of thunderstorms—so much so that it can feel overwhelming. Recently, during a particularly severe storm, I overheard her muttering, “We’re goners.” Yet, she doesn’t remain paralyzed by fear. With noise-canceling headphones and relaxing music, she creates a cozy fort in my closet to feel secure. Although she still experiences fear, she’s learned to implement her own coping strategies.
As parents, we hold remarkable power in shaping our children’s identities. By affirming positive traits, we not only acknowledge those aspects but also foster an environment where they can thrive. While I strive to embody the parent I aspire to be about 60% of the time, I recognize the importance of this lesson in instilling resilience in my daughters.
This ongoing message of problem-solving also helps me resist the urge to solve every issue for them. I envision their futures and understand that I have 18 years to help them build the skills they need to manage life independently. I want them to have the experience of navigating challenges, not just to rely on me for solutions.
Ultimately, my goal is not to give my daughters false assurances that life will be easy but to instill in them the confidence that they can handle whatever comes their way.
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In summary, fostering a problem-solving mindset in our children equips them with invaluable tools for the future. By consistently reinforcing this identity, we can help them navigate life’s complexities with confidence.