Once again, we find ourselves discussing the topic of dress codes, particularly those targeting girls. Recently, a high school in Connecticut decided to enforce a requirement that girls must get their prom dresses pre-approved—a rule announced just a week before the big event. This last-minute decision leaves many students and their families in a tough spot, especially after they’ve already invested significant amounts of money in dresses and alterations. If a teacher or principal deems a dress inappropriate—whether it exposes the midriff, is strapless, or has cut-outs—those students could find themselves out of luck. Understandably, both students and parents are outraged, pointing out that such guidelines should have been communicated well in advance of the prom-dress shopping season.
This is just another instance in a long line of dress-code controversies that have emerged on social media over the years. If you’ve been following these discussions, you’ll notice a clear pattern: the focus is almost always on girls, while boys seem to escape scrutiny regarding their attire. There have been cases where girls were sent home from prom for wearing dresses deemed distracting to adult male chaperones. Other offenses include wearing leggings, yoga pants, or even shorts. It’s a never-ending cycle of policing what girls wear, with some schools even reprimanding a 5-year-old for wearing spaghetti straps.
Here’s the reality: the way women and girls dress today is simply a reflection of modern fashion. You can lament the loss of the days when college students wore circle skirts and cardigans, but let’s not forget that even those styles faced criticism for being “too tight” or “too revealing.” Trends change, and the sooner we accept that, the better off we’ll be.
If you are uncomfortable with how girls and young women choose to express themselves through clothing, perhaps working with them isn’t the right fit for you. And if you’re worried that your sons might be distracted by a classmate’s outfit, consider enrolling them in all-boys schools instead.
The underlying issue is not that girls are inherently distracting. I can assure you that I was just as distracted by boys in high school, often not for their clothing choices, but for entirely different reasons. Moreover, the argument that enforcing dress codes teaches girls to dress professionally is misguided. Learning how to dress appropriately for a job can be addressed in a brief conversation, not through years of stringent rules. Different workplaces have different dress codes, and young people will figure out what’s appropriate when the time comes. Schools have their own cultures, and girls are an integral part of that culture. Why not allow them to decide how they wish to present themselves?
The real issue at hand isn’t about distraction or professional attire. Policing dress codes is a strategy to control girls and women, sending the message that their worth is tied to their appearance and how others perceive them. This practice diverts their focus from academics to worrying about their looks, creating an unnecessary mental burden.
Ultimately, this is a power struggle. Institutions are trying to maintain control over girls, dictating what they can wear and how they should present themselves. Navigating the fine line between what’s “appropriate” and “inappropriate” creates a maze that girls must navigate daily, often leading to confusion and self-doubt.
So, let’s propose a radical idea: abolish dress codes entirely. If your child’s school has one, rally against it. Why should anyone care what girls wear? It’s essential to understand that no amount of modesty will ever prevent boys from noticing girls. Clothing discussions should happen at home between kids and parents, not in schools.
Let’s shift the focus away from policing girls’ clothing and put the onus on boys to manage their distractions. Even as an adult, I find myself preoccupied with how to dress appropriately—neither too young nor too old, too flashy nor too frumpy. This constant calibration is a form of misogyny that distracts from more important matters, like learning and personal growth.
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In summary, it’s time to let girls express themselves freely without the constraints of outdated dress codes. Let’s focus on empowering them rather than controlling their appearances.
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