My brief seven-minute showers have become the most creative parts of my day. That shrill cry echoing through the house isn’t a sign of a serious injury; it’s merely my child’s urgent quest to unearth a pink bouncy ball lost weeks ago. Yet, that doesn’t stop my mind from spiraling with all the possible disasters that could be unfolding.
The loud crash I just heard might simply be my son knocking over a toy during his search. But what if he’s scaled the bookshelf and somehow toppled it over? Though it’s secured to the wall and he’s never shown a penchant for climbing, the “what ifs” loom large. Or perhaps he’s abandoned the search and opted to slice his own apples, leading to a potential kitchen disaster. Maybe he’s simply nursing a paper cut from a book, rummaging through the linen closet for Band-Aids—and if he can reach those, what’s to stop him from grabbing the vitamin gummies?
It’s a wild ride of imagination, especially since he usually won’t leave my side for more than a couple of minutes. But what if today is the day he decides to unlock the front door and stroll to the grocery store on his own? I weigh the option of turning off the shower; I only need the light for shaving, and, let’s be real, that’s not happening today.
Every shower is a fresh test of my creativity. So far, I’ve emerged from my brief escapes to find my child happily occupied—albeit with an array of messes that would make for great Instagram posts. Thankfully, nothing has ever landed us on the evening news.
Sure, I could avoid this anxiety by showering during his nap. But naps are fleeting, and what if he wakes up mid-shower? Then I’d miss out on precious writing time. If it comes down to a choice between showering and writing, my laptop wins every time.
Alternately, I could opt for nighttime showers. But after long hours of parenting, a partner who works late, and a child who goes to bed even later, I’d much rather catch some sleep than scrub myself clean.
All of these thoughts about when to shower miss the core issue. The likelihood of kids injuring themselves while parents showering is about the same as when they’re not. If you’re looking for stories about kids getting hurt while parents indulge in self-care, you’ll likely be disappointed.
So why the plethora of parenting memes about dry shampoo? Why do parents seek permission to shower in online groups?
When Lisa Thompson suggested that new moms should shower daily, she was taken aback by the backlash. Many commenters insisted she must either be fibbing or have help, as no mom could possibly manage daily showers. Reflecting on this negativity, Thompson notes that not showering becomes a “badge of honor” for parents. It’s a mark of suffering, and new mothers are expected to endure. “Your labor hours, sleep deprivation, and overall struggle are often how your motherhood is measured, especially in those early days,” she explains.
When we say, “I don’t have time to shower,” we’re not strictly referring to the ten minutes it takes to wash up. We mean that the demands of parenthood often overshadow our basic needs. We “can’t” shower because we’re managing school lunches, cleaning playrooms, preparing dinner, or coaching soccer. We feel we must be available for our children at every moment. Taking time for ourselves feels like a luxury we can’t afford.
It’s one thing if our kids get hurt while eating or playing; that’s part of life. But the thought of them getting hurt while we’re indulging in a shower brings on a wave of guilt. We “can’t” take a shower because we’re expected to be supermoms.
There are various ways to address these “can’ts.” We could recognize that daily showers aren’t a necessity, reducing our stress about them. We might consider bringing our little ones into the bathroom with us to keep an eye on them. Ultimately, we must accept that complete safety doesn’t exist, even if we go to great lengths to ensure it. But we’d probably still worry.
What if we viewed showering as a form of independence? The bathroom can serve as a reminder that our children are capable of being apart from us, allowing us to detach from the constant role of super parent, even if just for a few minutes.
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In summary, the struggle to find time for a shower as a parent often stems from the overwhelming demands of motherhood rather than genuine time constraints. By reframing our view on self-care and recognizing the independence of our children, we can alleviate some of the guilt associated with taking a moment for ourselves.