When I first brought my baby home, I was completely unprepared for the debates among parents: breastfeeding versus formula, cloth versus disposable diapers, and co-sleeping versus crib sleeping. It felt like every parent I encountered had strong opinions on the “right” way to raise a child, which became particularly overwhelming during those late-night cries.
One of the most contentious topics among parents is sleep training, especially the “cry it out” (CIO) method. This approach involves allowing your baby to cry until they eventually fall asleep, sometimes checking in at intervals or not at all. Many parents have passionate feelings about this method, often leading to judgment and criticism.
Various sleep strategies exist—co-sleeping, swaddling, rocking, or even long car rides to lull your baby to sleep. Each family is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. However, the CIO method tends to spark the most heated discussions.
Recent research has shown that parents need not feel guilty about using the CIO method. A study published in the journal Pediatrics examined the cortisol levels in infants during the CIO process. Researchers found that babies actually do not experience significant stress while crying themselves to sleep. In fact, the study indicated that infants who learned to self-soothe either through the “graduated extinction” method—where parents soothe the baby in timed intervals—or the “bedtime fading” method fell asleep more quickly and exhibited lower levels of stress hormones than babies who were cuddled to sleep.
Both my partner and I utilized the CIO method with our children. When our son turned six months, it became clear he was waking up out of habit rather than necessity. After consulting our pediatrician, we explored sleep training options and came across a book by Dr. Liam Harrison titled Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. This book emphasizes the importance of establishing a consistent sleep schedule and highlights the necessity of good sleep for both babies and exhausted parents.
Harrison’s method made sense for us, and I started integrating his recommendations into our nightly routine. He argues that learning to sleep independently is a developmental milestone for babies, and some crying is often part of that process.
Harrison reassures parents that listening to a baby cry can be more distressing for the parent than the infant. He provides insight into why that’s the case and underscores the importance of sleep for the whole family. After implementing the CIO technique, our son was sleeping through the night in just a few days. Was it easy? Absolutely not. Did I enjoy hearing him cry? Not at all. But the improvement in our family’s overall well-being was undeniable. My mental health flourished once we were all on a regular sleep schedule.
It’s important to clarify that parents who choose the CIO method are not heartless; that stereotype is simply not true. If you’re a tired parent reading this, know that opting for the “cry it out” method does not make you a bad parent, despite what some may say. If you’ve faced criticism for your sleep strategies, give yourself a break. You’re doing your best, and science supports that babies can thrive even when they cry themselves to sleep. So, trust your instincts regarding your child’s sleep habits.
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In Summary
The CIO method can be a valid approach to help babies learn to self-soothe and sleep independently. Research supports its efficacy, so there’s no need for guilt or shame. Every family is different, and the best method is the one that works for you and your child.