The perennial question parents often pose to their children is, “How was school today?” And for years, kids have responded with a predictable answer: “Okay.”
Let’s be honest—nothing is merely “okay.” That word is just a polite way to avoid a deeper discussion. “Okay” is what you say to the cashier at the grocery store when you want to keep it brief. It lacks the emotional connection and insight I crave from my children when I inquire about their day.
I understand that my kids are growing up and need their space to develop into independent individuals, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to be left in the dark about what’s happening in their lives. The challenge lies in knowing how to engage them effectively.
Much of parenting involves learning, and timing plays a crucial role. While I often find the car ride home to be a great opportunity for chats (thanks to their captive audience), my kids don’t always feel like talking right after school. My 12-year-old tends to open up during dinner when the family is gathered, while my youngest becomes chatty at bedtime—definitely not my preferred time for meaningful dialogue, but it’s when she’s most willing to share. As for my teenager, her openness varies; some days she welcomes my inquiries, while other days she brushes me off, claiming she’s too busy with homework (ouch).
It’s not just about getting my kids to share their experiences; it’s also about ensuring that I’m present and not interrupting when they do open up. Our afternoons are often chaotic with meal prep and various activities. I can’t count how many potential conversations have been interrupted by timers going off or my eagerness to ask follow-up questions before we dash off to the next obligation. Kids, especially as they reach their tween and teen years, are sensitive. I’ve learned that the best approach is to pause, listen, and allow them to express their thoughts and feelings.
Here are 21 engaging questions to help you move beyond the simple “okay”:
- What was the highlight of your day?
- What exciting thing happened today?
- What’s the most interesting spot in your classroom?
- What was the most dull activity you did today?
- How did you show kindness today?
- If you could give your teacher a fun nickname, what would it be?
- Who had the best lunch today?
- What was the funniest moment you experienced?
- What made you laugh today?
- How did you help someone today?
- What’s something nice someone did for you?
- What’s your favorite thing about your teacher?
- If you could pick anyone to sit next to in class, who would it be?
- What games did you play during recess?
- Did you create anything cool today?
- Do you think the classroom rules are fair?
- Was there anything that confused you today?
- Did you encounter a moment of uncertainty today?
- What was challenging for you today?
- Is there something specific you’d like to share about your day?
- What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
In addition to encouraging my kids to share their inner thoughts, I also express gratitude for their openness. This reassures them that I value their experiences and feelings, fostering a culture of communication.
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Summary
Engaging kids in meaningful conversations about their school day can be challenging, but by using thoughtful questions, parents can encourage deeper discussions. Timing and creating a supportive atmosphere are key to fostering open communication.