Recently, TV personality and entrepreneur, Mia Thompson, expressed that she feels like a single parent when her husband is away for training. This statement elicited eye-rolls from actual single parents everywhere.
As a genuine single mother, with no partner returning from a business trip, I wasn’t angered by Mia’s words, but rather by the continual use of this sentiment by mothers with partners. It’s not just Mia; many partnered moms share this feeling. So, here’s a reminder: if you have a partner, you are not a single parent. When your significant other is away for a weekend or on a work assignment, it does not equate to the experience of single motherhood. You still don’t grasp the depth of being the sole provider for every need of your child, every hour of every day.
I have been navigating life as a single mom since my son was just three months old; he’s now four. Interestingly, during my son’s infancy, when I was still with his father, I made the same mistake Mia did—I thought I understood the struggles of single parenting because my partner worked long hours. However, that was a naive assumption. Now that I’m truly a single parent, I wish I could tell my past self to be quiet.
In single parenthood, every responsibility falls on your shoulders. You are tasked with paying bills, ensuring your child is cared for, and keeping your household in order. Partnered moms who claim they feel like single mothers don’t realize that their experience is temporary. Yes, you may handle everything for a while, but your partner will eventually return to contribute both financially and emotionally. Unlike true single parents, who face long-term challenges, you know your situation will change.
In her interview, Mia admitted to having a nanny and her mother-in-law available to help her. Most single moms, however, do not have such support readily at hand. While it’s great that she has this safety net, it’s not the norm for many of us. We are often calculating how to afford essentials like new shoes or winter coats while ensuring there’s food on the table.
Mothers with co-parents cannot possibly fathom the years spent stressing over completing daily tasks in just 24 hours. Single mothers often find themselves wishing for extra hours in the day. Furthermore, you don’t know what it’s like to have no help, indefinitely.
Before you think, “I don’t have anyone nearby when my partner is away,” consider this: your alone time is finite. Your partner will eventually return to resume their responsibilities. I was fortunate to have lived with my parents for a while, and they helped when I needed it. But they, too, have their own lives and commitments. Single mothers often feel the weight of not wanting to impose on others. Self-sufficiency becomes a necessity, and we remain silent about the toll it takes on us.
You mothers with partners don’t experience the sleepless nights worrying if your child feels they are missing out because their father isn’t present. The quiet moments spent gazing at them while they sleep, hoping they know all your efforts are for them, praying that they see you as a good mom, even when self-doubt creeps in.
You don’t know the loneliness of wondering if anyone will love you and your child the way you both deserve. You have the reassurance that your partner will return, that you have someone who loves you, and that your children have a parent who cares. You won’t receive pitying looks or sympathetic head tilts from other mothers.
While you may share the experience of single parenting temporarily, you can always return to your regular life once your partner is back. You’ll likely turn to a single mom and say dramatically, “I don’t know how you do it all the time!” And she will shrug and say, “I have to. Who else is going to do it for me?”
So, before you declare your temporary single mom status, reflect on that question: “Who else is going to do it for me?” The answer is no one. That itself is why you are not a single mom; you are simply parenting solo for a period.
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