First off, I need to express my absolute frustration with colic. Seriously, I had to get that off my chest before diving into the deeper issues. To all the fellow moms battling through these challenging times: I see you, I admire you, and I completely understand how tough this phase of babyhood is because I’m living it too.
My precious daughter, a true miracle for our family, is now 14 weeks old. With her striking strawberry blonde hair, round chubby cheeks, and the uncanny ability to cry for hours every night despite our best efforts, life has taken on a new level of chaos. We’ve visited the pediatrician multiple times, tried Zantac, gas drops, soy formula, and numerous colic-friendly bottles, yet nothing seems to soothe those relentless late-night cries.
And before you ask, yes, we have all the gadgets: a Rock ‘n Play, two swings, a vibrating bouncer, a vibrating crib mattress, a play mat with music, a tummy time mat, and three different baby carriers. My firstborn had two simple items, but this little one? She has everything. If there was a product marketed as a colic cure, I can assure you we’ve ordered it out of sheer desperation.
Watching your baby cry for what feels like eternity is a draining, sanity-testing, heart-wrenching experience. At some point, you have to push your pediatrician to mention colic, and you realize it’s time to stop trying to “fix” things and instead focus on surviving these moments together. You let go of experimenting with different bottle brands and stop frantically searching online for answers to “what’s wrong with my baby?” You come to terms with the fact that, no matter how loud the cries are, she is healthy, growing, and simply going through a phase that will eventually pass.
But until that day comes, you’re weighed down by the guilt of being a colic mom. You start questioning whether you’ve shown your baby enough love. Conversations around the house fade away because no one can hear each other over the cries, making you wonder if you’ve stopped whispering sweet nothings into that tiny, red face.
You might find yourself doubting if you’ve done enough to comfort her, as her mother, shouldn’t you be able to hold her and calm her little worries? You hope she doesn’t sense your relief when you finally lay her down for the night or your disappointment when she wakes up early from her nap.
Colic can breed resentment, robbing you of precious moments. You miss out on the delightful gummy smiles other moms frequently share, and it feels like ages before you hear her laugh or coo. On top of that, you find it challenging to spend quality time with your other children as you’re consumed by the constant crying.
Many days, you’re left wishing time away—hoping to get to bedtime, or waiting for your partner to come home, or even longing for that magical hour when wine becomes acceptable. Wishing away moments that, as mothers, we’re told to cherish. We hear time and again that we’ll look back and wish we could relive these days.
Well, I’m not throwing any coins into that wishing well. I refuse to carry the weight of a colicky baby along with the heavy load of mom guilt. Instead, I’ll remind myself that I’m doing my best to navigate this challenging chapter. Our family is still fed and clothed, even if that means ordering more pizza than one should. I continue to nurture and love all my children, even if I have to wear noise-canceling headphones to make it through. And while I won’t yearn for these long (so long) days, I find comfort in knowing that one day I’ll remind my daughter of how deeply I loved her, especially when she’s contemplating my future nursing home options.
Until that day arrives, you’ll find me holding a baby in one arm, a glass of wine in the other, and a pair of heavy-duty earplugs jammed in my ears.
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Summary
Parenting a colicky baby can lead to overwhelming feelings of guilt and frustration. This article discusses the challenges faced by mothers dealing with colic, including feelings of inadequacy and resentment at missing joyful moments. It emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance during this trying time and acknowledges the love that persists despite the chaos.