I often find myself grappling with deep-seated issues regarding my body image. Yes, I said it. This isn’t something new for me; it’s a struggle I face daily. I have given birth to four wonderful children, each weighing over 8 pounds, with one particularly hefty baby tipping the scales at 10 pounds, 5 ounces. My body has been through a lot—stretched, poked, and prodded—and the evidence is visible. While many women celebrate their stretch marks, C-section scars, and extra skin as symbols of resilience, I’ve been unable to reach that level of acceptance.
It’s important to clarify that I wasn’t exactly rocking a supermodel physique before motherhood. I was never particularly toned or athletic, nor did anyone ever stop and admire my body. However, I also didn’t feel like I was about to explode every time I sat down. Now, though, my body feels significantly different—larger and softer. Finding clothes that fit well has become a challenge; I often play a game of “Is she pregnant or not?” when I wear certain outfits. As a mother of four, many assume I might be expecting again. If wearing three pairs of shapewear would help me forget about my stomach, I would do it in a heartbeat. These days, I often opt for athleisure wear, attempting to smooth things out.
Logically, I know this mindset is irrational. No other mom is judging me harshly for my body. In fact, I’m sure most think, “Wow, she had four kids; let’s send some good thoughts her way!” Yet, despite knowing this, I can’t seem to change my perspective.
I tend to scrutinize every photo of myself, launching into a barrage of negative self-talk: “I look so fat. I can’t stand this.” It never crossed my mind that my self-criticism might be affecting my children until one day, my 4-year-old son looked up from my phone and said, “Mom! I love this picture of us! You look so fat!” I was taken aback. He thought he was complimenting me based on what I often say about myself, unaware that my self-deprecation is harmful.
My older sons, aged 9 and 7, are more perceptive. They get it and they don’t like it. My self-criticism often delays our outings, as I can’t seem to step away from the mirror. They hear their dad trying to lift me up, only for me to dismiss his words. “Mom, you’re not fat,” they insist, or “You look great!” The most heart-wrenching moment came when my eldest said, “Mom, you’re not fat. You’re a great mom—why does it matter?”
I’ve realized that I’m teaching my sons a negative lesson about how women should perceive themselves. Instead of instilling confidence and strength in them, I’m sending the message that a woman’s worth is tied to her appearance. This mindset is far more damaging than any stretch marks or extra skin.
Ultimately, my children care less about how I look and more about how I love and support them. They need their mom for hugs, help with homework, and meals—not for me to obsess over my figure. My sons have never remarked on my insecurities; they see me as their loving mother, and that unconditional love is a humbling lesson.
As mothers, we must learn to be kinder to ourselves. Our kids are always listening, even when we think they’re distracted. It’s crucial for them to hear us speak positively about ourselves. We should look in the mirror and affirm, “I look great today,” even when we don’t feel it. Remember, if you can’t find something nice to say about yourself, sometimes it’s better to stay silent. The truth is, if you’re up and moving, you’re doing well. If you manage to find clothes that fit, that’s a victory. And if you can get all your kids dressed and fed before heading out, you’ve already conquered the day. But if your inner dialogue only echoes “I look terrible,” you’re missing out on life.
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In summary, our self-image profoundly impacts our children. By embracing positivity and self-love, we not only set a better example but also foster a healthier environment for our kids. Let’s strive to love ourselves so that our children can grow up with a more positive understanding of beauty and worth.