I often express gratitude to my partner for the little things he does. Whether it’s taking the kids to the park while I catch my breath after a long day, or tackling a messy chore that I might have been avoiding, I want him to know that his efforts truly enhance my life. I appreciate him for changing a particularly unpleasant diaper that I was all too aware of. I also thank him when he encourages me to spend time with my friends, especially when the guilt of being away from home creeps in.
However, my appreciation sometimes falters when I hear stories from friends about their partners. One friend couldn’t go out for dinner because her husband has never watched the kids alone at night, while another was met with complaints when dinner wasn’t on the table right when he got home. It’s frustrating to hear how some partners can be so oblivious, especially when my friend had been sick while caring for her own children.
After these conversations, I always feel the urge to thank my partner for not being a jerk. He often downplays how easy it is to be a good partner—essentially, all he has to do is avoid being a bad one. The formula is simple:
- Be kind.
- Be thoughtful.
That’s it. Two straightforward tasks. If you struggle with these, maybe it’s time for some self-reflection. Look in the mirror and have a serious chat with yourself about stepping up your game.
Every marriage has its unique rhythm, often requiring one partner to take on more responsibilities, which can be perfectly fine if both agree on it. What’s not acceptable is coming home and grunting about dinner rather than greeting your partner and asking how you can contribute.
Better yet, don’t even ask! Use your eyes and brain to assess the situation. Is the table empty? Start setting it. Are veggies ready to be chopped? Grab the knife and get to work. That’s just common sense.
If you’re a husband who floats through life while your partner clears the way for you, you’re likely benefiting at her expense. If you hear her lament about not having time for basic self-care, and you do nothing, you’re failing at your role. Your job is to be kind and considerate.
If you can’t even manage to watch your kids long enough for her to take a proper shower without feeling like she’s on a time limit, you’re not doing your job. If you dismiss her hard work, question her daily tasks, or show no appreciation, you’re failing. If you act clueless about managing your household or caring for your children, you’re not meeting your responsibilities.
Simply put, all you have to do is treat her with respect and think of her needs—the same way she anticipates yours. You vowed to cherish and support each other, so if you can’t manage those two basic tenets, you’re essentially just another child for her to look after.
Failing to be kind and considerate can lead to much bigger issues down the line, including the possibility of divorce, because she deserves better. So do your job—starting now.
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Summary
Being a good partner is not complicated. It boils down to kindness and consideration. If you find yourself failing in these areas, it’s time for some honest self-reflection. A successful relationship involves mutual support and respect; neglecting your partner’s needs can lead to serious consequences.