Pumping is a challenge, both in practicality and emotional toll. Who really wants to be tethered to a machine that transforms your breast into an awkward, elongated shape, all while the milk drips slowly into plastic bottles? Tina Fey hit the nail on the head when she dubbed breast pumps “Williams-Sonoma Tit Juicers.”
Each pumping session for me took a good 20 to 30 minutes, not counting the time spent cleaning the equipment and storing the milk afterward. Altogether, we’re looking at 30 to 40 minutes per session. Now, that might not seem too daunting if that’s all you had to do as a parent, but let’s be real: you’re likely juggling your child’s needs, your job, or both. It’s a whole new level of multitasking.
And let me tell you, spilling that precious milk is a heart-wrenching experience. I’ve done it more times than I’d like to admit, usually in a haze of sleep deprivation. I can’t even imagine the pain of my friend who lost several months’ worth of milk because her freezer failed.
When you commit to breastfeeding, you quickly learn that you’ll be pumping anywhere and everywhere. I vividly remember a moment when my mother-in-law walked in to find me on the couch, pumping while balancing a bowl of cereal on my leg, bouncing my fussy baby in a bouncer with the other leg, and reading a story to my older child. I even rigged my nursing bras to hold the pump cones so I could tackle grading papers or eat dinner at the same time. Once, I plugged my breast pump into one outlet in the bathroom and used the other for my hair dryer and curling iron, all while getting ready for work.
Sure, there are breast pumps on the market that let you be mobile while you pump, but they can cost a fortune, and let’s be honest—who really wants to cook or clean while running on empty? And don’t overdo the caffeine; you definitely don’t want to end up in breastfeeding Hell.
I’ve pumped in bars, cars, you name it. Friends of mine have even pumped while driving down busy highways. I never had the coordination for that, but I did manage to pump in the car while someone else was behind the wheel. One memorable trip to a Girls’ Weekend saw me tossing pumped milk out the window, thinking it would be better for my daughter. Spoiler: it didn’t end well. When we parked, the milk baked into a horrible paste on my car, and I had to rush to get it washed before it ruined the paint.
During that weekend, I carried my pump in a backpack, expressing milk and dumping it since I was enjoying a few too many cocktails. I quickly learned how to pump and then dump in a rest stop bathroom on the way home.
While pumping is a hassle, I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. It’s all about providing my little ones with the best nutrition. For those curious about options for home insemination, check out this excellent resource on treating infertility, and if you’re interested in at-home insemination kits, you can find more information at this reputable retailer.
In summary, pumping may not be the most glamorous part of motherhood, but it’s a necessary step in providing for your child. So embrace the chaos!
Leave a Reply