Early in our journey as parents, my partner and I made a conscious decision to eliminate the phrase “be careful” from our vocabulary. We attempted to extend this ban to our entire family, but it quickly became clear that telling children to “be careful” is so ingrained in the culture that even the most beloved grandmothers are hardwired to use it.
Our final decision to drop these seemingly harmless words came after a particularly chaotic day at the playground with our young son. At that age, he was exploring his limits—leaping off slides, riding the fence like a horse, and essentially turning his body into a human pinball. It was exhausting just trying to keep up, and even more so to keep saying “be careful!” every few seconds. I don’t even know how it started; one minute I was a new parent, and the next I was blurting out “be careful” at him every time he moved.
On that day, he was a whirlwind of energy, and I felt the need to showcase to those around us that I was trying to rein him in. People were watching, I was rattling off safety tips, and my son completely ignored me, likely interpreting “be careful” as an invitation to take even more risks.
The phrase became meaningless to him, just background noise suggesting, “I don’t trust you to know your own limits.” And while it was true that I was unsure of those limits, I didn’t want him to sense my doubts. I wanted him to learn through experience, to understand that he couldn’t just fly on his own, not because I told him to be careful, but because he would learn.
Young adults today are struggling partly due to a generation of parents who were overly protective, offering a constant stream of “be careful!” as their battle cry. This approach often leads to kids who can’t trust their instincts, making them overly cautious and hesitant.
I realized that frequently shouting “be careful!” only communicated that I was there to oversee their playtime and limit their autonomy. It sent the message that they could not make their own choices about what was safe or risky. Instead of simply filling the air with vague warnings, I decided to be more direct: “Don’t touch that hot pan,” or “Think about how far you’re jumping.” Or sometimes, I chose silence. Imagine going to the playground without offering a single piece of advice on how to navigate it (with life-threatening situations excluded, of course). It might be tough at first; you might find yourself holding back the urge to shout as soon as your child steps into the play area.
However, this approach can be liberating—for both you and your child. They might stumble and fall, and you could end up regretting this decision. But they might also take a leap and land triumphantly, filled with pride. The truth is, you won’t know what they can achieve until you stop telling them to “be careful” all the time.
If you’re interested in more helpful parenting insights, check out our other blog posts, such as this one on home insemination.
In summary, we chose to eliminate “be careful” from our parenting lexicon to empower our children to explore their boundaries and learn from their experiences. We believe this fosters independence and confidence, both essential traits for navigating life.