Navigating the end of a relationship can be particularly difficult when children are involved. The dynamics shift even more when your ex-partner enters a new relationship, especially if your child starts referring to this new figure as “mom” or “dad.” However, one mother, Sarah Lane, is here to share a perspective that encourages embracing this change instead of fearing it.
Lane shared her thoughts on social media, emphasizing that a positive co-parenting relationship is possible even after a marriage ends. Her daughter, Emily, has had a “bonus mom” since she was just a toddler. Lane notes, “People often ask how my ex-husband, his new wife, my partner, and I manage to co-parent so well. The answer is simple: We all love Emily. That love is unconditional and unchanging.”
Lane acknowledges that her daughter didn’t choose for her parents to part ways. “Why would we complicate her life further by forcing her to pick one parent over another?” she asks. “Emily calls her bonus mom ‘Mommy,’ and that’s perfectly fine because she fulfills that role for her. She supports her, plays with her, teaches her valuable lessons, and provides affection just like any mother would.”
Understanding the Role of a Bonus Parent
Entering a relationship with someone who has children can be daunting. Not only do you have to connect with your partner, but you also have to find your place within their child’s life and family. It can feel threatening when a new person arrives, leaving you to wonder if your child will love them as much as they love you, or if they might start using terms like “mom” or “dad.” However, it’s crucial to remember that the focus should be on the child’s well-being. If they feel secure enough to express affection in this way, it indicates that everyone involved is fulfilling their roles effectively.
Lane reflects on the challenges many parents express, saying, “I often hear women declare they would never allow another woman to be called ‘mom’ because they believe that title should only belong to them. But that mindset is selfish. If your ex has found someone who genuinely loves your child and contributes positively to their upbringing, why not allow that child to express that love freely?”
Lane admits that reaching this understanding takes time. “This harmonious relationship didn’t form overnight. There were many moments filled with uncertainty and emotional struggles,” she explains. “Everyone involved needs to put in the effort. While your family structure may not look like what you envisioned, prioritizing your child’s happiness can lead to a fulfilling arrangement.”
Final Thoughts
In her closing thoughts, Lane states, “Don’t tell me successful co-parenting isn’t achievable, because I live it every day.”
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In summary, it’s completely acceptable for your child to call another loving adult “mom” or “dad.” Embracing this can foster a supportive environment where the child thrives, while also easing the strained dynamics that often accompany blended families.