Finding a trustworthy female groomer can be more challenging than selecting a physician. While I’m comfortable with doctors examining me in a clinical setting—complete with a paper gown to maintain a semblance of modesty—visiting a waxer feels entirely different. There’s no white coat or stethoscope to establish a professional atmosphere; instead, you’re lying there, exposed and vulnerable, waiting for someone in casual attire to get up close and personal with your most intimate areas.
Even if the waxer is in scrubs, it’s hard to shake the feeling of being thrust into a more intimate setting. I could stroll down to the local store and buy my own scrubs, but that doesn’t mean I’m qualified to perform any medical procedures. So, finding a waxer who can make you feel at ease is crucial.
After a few disappointing experiences, I finally found a groomer I adored. The pain was minimal, the conversation flowed easily, and the awkwardness melted away as we chatted and laughed. But then, I got the dreaded call: she was leaving for a new opportunity—a hairstylist position that didn’t involve my private areas. It felt like a breakup; I was suddenly back on the market, swiping left on potential waxers, each “date” involving a close examination of my bikini line.
Last week, I met my third new waxer. She was so quiet that it felt like I was in an eerie silence chamber. No music, no chit-chat—just me, pantsless and exposed, lying there in complete stillness. I thrive on conversation during these moments; I like to joke, laugh, and even let out some creative exclamations when the wax rips away hair (Sweet Baby Jesus on a Tilt-a-Whirl is a personal favorite). But this new waxer wasn’t having any of that.
To make matters worse, her long hair kept brushing against my intimate areas, which was disconcerting. I’m just being honest here: having someone’s hair dangling around down there made me feel a bit uneasy about my own orientation. It’s a surreal experience, and in an attempt to distract myself, I tried to picture a man doing the job instead. But all I could conjure up were the likes of Fabio or Steven Tyler, and that was a hard no.
As I lay there, I began to worry about her hair getting caught in the wax. Can you imagine being permanently attached to someone because of an unfortunate grooming accident? What kind of life could that lead to? Thankfully, I was too busy overthinking to dwell on it for long, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of longing for my old waxer.
The silence in the room was unbearable. I missed the laughter, the catchy ’70s tunes we used to sing along to, and the easy banter that made the whole process feel less awkward. Instead, I found myself staring at a water stain on the ceiling and laughing to myself, thinking it looked like a vagina. But my new waxer didn’t share in the humor.
If you happen to see my previous waxer, send her my way. I shouldn’t be hard to find—I’ll be the one with a bikini line resembling a chia pet. If my grooming situation doesn’t change soon, I might just end up auditioning for a reality show about hairy women.
As little girls, we all have dreams, but I doubt many envision the day they might be the subject of a documentary about their unruly body hair.
For more insights into the challenges of home insemination, check out this post on Cervical Insemination. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, look at resources like the CDC for detailed information. Also, for those looking for quality products, Make A Mom offers reputable kits that can support your journey.
Summary
Finding a competent female groomer can feel like a daunting task. From navigating awkward silences to worrying about hair getting in the way, the experience can be anything but pleasant. The longing for a previous groomer who understood you can make the search even more challenging, but humor and openness about the situation can help ease the discomfort.
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