It’s been truly eye-opening for me to observe my friend Jason, whom I’ve known since high school, as he navigates his adult relationship with his parents. His interactions with them are remarkably drama-free, a stark contrast to what I have come to expect from typical parent-child dynamics. Jason’s parents treat him with genuine respect, acknowledging his feelings, and spending time with them is neither anxiety-inducing nor stressful for him. In fact, he cherishes those moments and continues to feel loved and supported by them as he ages.
While his childhood certainly had its challenges—who doesn’t face bumps along the way?—he was not subjected to abandonment, abuse, or severe trauma. As someone who did endure trauma, witnessing his healthy relationship with his parents is both enlightening and comforting. It offers me hope that I can create a similar nurturing environment for my own future children, and just the thought of it brings me to tears of joy.
You see, I am a survivor. My parents made efforts to do their best, but when individuals harbor unresolved issues, it can negatively impact their relationships with their children. My upbringing was marked by countless relocations along the East and West Coasts, broken promises, deceit, divorce, and financial struggles. I faced emotional and verbal abuse from a stepmother and dealt with an absent, self-absorbed father.
My mother was my anchor in many ways, the stable presence in my life. However, she also brought her own level of anxiety, which permeated everything and made it hard for me to feel safe in the world or believe I could protect myself from those who meant me harm. Like many children from troubled backgrounds, I learned to simply survive.
At the time, it didn’t feel like survival; it felt more like I was just getting by, constantly pushing beyond my limits and improvising my way through life. When I applied for college and figured out how to finance it independently, it felt like I was wandering in the dark. I took up running, got my first job, and taught myself essential life skills like cooking, cleaning, and budgeting—all while feeling utterly alone and uncertain about what adulthood would hold.
When I first signed up for therapy at 18, I was torn between thinking it was the best or worst decision I could make. I doubted whether I even had the right to voice my struggles, considering the panic attacks and the estrangement from my father after a particularly distressing conflict.
If you resonate with my experience, you understand the constant questioning that comes with surviving childhood trauma. You may wonder if you’re even justified in expressing your pain. Incidents that seemed minor or were downplayed—like being called names or witnessing a parent’s abandonment—leave lasting scars. You might wrestle with the label of being “damaged goods,” feeling inadequate or ungrateful for the sacrifices made on your behalf.
For survivors, silencing those internal critics is a monumental task, yet you’ve done it. You’ve begun to cultivate a new existence—one where you recognize your worth, your beauty, and your strength. You’ve acknowledged that your feelings are valid and deserving of attention. Each wrong that was inflicted upon you was, in fact, unjust, and it’s baffling that no one has come forward to apologize.
Most importantly, you’ve surrounded yourself with genuine, loving individuals who offer unconditional support. You’ve built a new life filled with love and gratitude, yet you may still carry the weight of fear. Each morning, you might wake up wondering if this newfound happiness will vanish, if tragedy will strike the ones you love. You may even find yourself sabotaging your own joy, convinced you don’t deserve it.
But let me remind you—those fears are lies. The life you’ve crafted is real. The love you’ve fostered is authentic, and it’s not going anywhere. The strength you’ve shown to transform your past into a vibrant, fulfilling existence is nothing short of remarkable.
You are a survivor, and you should take pride in that. I should too.
For more insights on creating a nurturing environment, check out this resource on in vitro fertilisation, and explore this link for more information about at-home insemination. If you’re curious about other related topics, this blog post is worth a read.
Summary
This article encourages survivors of childhood trauma to recognize their strength and resilience. It contrasts the author’s difficult upbringing with the healthier experiences of others, offering hope for creating nurturing environments for future generations. The piece emphasizes the importance of acknowledging one’s feelings and surrounding oneself with supportive people, while also addressing the lingering fears that can accompany healing.