Like many expectant mothers, I found myself grappling with depression during my pregnancy — a struggle shared by 14-23% of women in similar situations. It wasn’t just a mild case; I faced intense feelings of despair, panic attacks, and even thoughts of self-harm. While I had always battled mental health challenges, this episode felt magnified due to the life I was nurturing inside me.
Initially, I was prescribed a mild anti-anxiety medication, but eventually, I was put on the SSRI Zoloft. The thought of taking medication during pregnancy was daunting — who wouldn’t hesitate? I understood the potential risks, but ultimately, the dangers of untreated depression outweighed the concerns for my baby.
Just like countless other mothers, I found myself dependent on medication to manage parenting. By 2010, it was reported that 1 in 4 women were taking antidepressants. If we apply this figure to mothers, it suggests that 25% of us are on some type of antidepressant, not to mention those on anti-anxiety medications like Xanax. I am not alone in this struggle, nor are you. Millions of us require that extra support to navigate parenting while dealing with mental illness.
The stigma surrounding this reality can be overwhelming. I often feel ashamed, believing that if I were a better person — that is, not mentally ill — I wouldn’t need assistance with parenting, which seems so effortless for others. While medication can help tremendously, it doesn’t solve every problem.
When our children have meltdowns, we may crumble; when we forget a lunch or a gift for a party, the anxiety can spiral. We worry that others judge us, which only adds to the stress. Moments of impatience arise because we are stretched thin, leading to guilt when we lose our temper or snap at our kids. It’s as if we have a lower threshold for stress, and that can be exhausting.
The worries can feel never-ending. We may have panic attacks or irrational fears, like driving off a bridge despite not wanting to. The “what-ifs” loom large: What if my baby falls ill? What if a vaccination causes harm? What if my partner doesn’t return home? These thoughts can lead to late-night searches for life insurance policies, just to ensure our children are secure.
Determining how many mothers experience mental illness is difficult beyond the 1-in-4 statistic for antidepressant use. The UK’s Joint Commissioning Panel for Mental Health estimates that 3% of mothers may face severe depression. Additionally, 10-15% may deal with mild to moderate depression or anxiety, 3% may have PTSD, and 15-30% may experience adjustment disorders. A small percentage, about 0.2%, suffer from chronic severe mental illness.
I fall into that 0.2%. After the birth of my third child, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, treatment-resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and ADHD. Consequently, I rely on multiple medications: one for depression, another stronger one for depression, one for bipolar disorder, two for ADHD, and a strong medication for anxiety that I have no plans to discontinue. Without these medications, I find myself snapping at my children, becoming irritable over small requests, and feeling overwhelmed by household chaos.
Sometimes, I feel guilty or sad about my dependency on these medications. I know some view this reliance as a weakness, believing that if I were stronger, I could manage without them. But as @jason_b discusses on his blog, “Real Perspectives,” the term “crutch” shouldn’t be an insult. He points out that using crutches is simply a tool for support, just like how I use medication to help me function. Mental illness is a disability, and we should recognize the difficulty of parenting while managing it. No one would ever suggest I stop taking my diabetes medication, yet I face societal pressure to abandon my psychiatric medications, which often leads to feelings of shame and frustration.
I worry about how my children perceive me, fearing they will remember me more for my mental illness than for the loving mother I strive to be. However, I know that I’m a better parent when I’m on my medication. I actively work to minimize the impact of my illness by attending therapy, taking time for myself, exercising, and engaging in activities I enjoy. Above all, I take my prescribed medications because they are essential for my parenting journey.
If you’re navigating similar challenges, remember you’re not alone. For those interested in learning more about parenting and mental health, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. You can also explore more about the journey to parenthood at this informative blog post, or delve into understanding the fertility journey through this authority on the topic.
In summary, relying on medication to parent is not a sign of weakness; it’s a necessary step for many, including myself. We must reframe our understanding of mental illness as a disability and acknowledge the additional support we may need to be our best selves as parents.