Much to the dismay of my mother, I embrace being a mom who swears. I find it quite enjoyable to sprinkle colorful language into conversations, and there’s hardly anything more therapeutic after a challenging day than venting with a few well-placed expletives. I’m a decent person at heart, but I’m also known to be quite sweary, and that’s just not going to change.
Given my inclination to drop a few choice words, my kids are often exposed to a wide array of colorful vocabulary. And being the little sponges they are, they absorb it all—then regurgitate it with enthusiasm. Yes, my children swear. They’re familiar with all the naughty words and use them, often with impressive delivery. They’ve been known to exclaim “dammit” or “this is effing ridiculous” in moments of frustration, and they even find amusement in playfully flipping each other off.
While this behavior can be mildly annoying, overall, I don’t mind. Our household doesn’t impose strict rules against swearing, and I typically don’t care if they mutter a curse under their breath or shout out an expletive after stepping on a Lego. After all, who doesn’t have those moments?
Now, some might gasp in horror and label me as the worst parent ever because of my laid-back attitude towards swearing, but hear me out. Above all, I teach my children the essential rule of swearing: be aware of your audience and show respect. They understand that there’s a time and place for such language. Our home is a safe space where they can express themselves freely, but if they start using foul language at school, they will definitely face consequences.
I’ve made it clear that if I receive a call from the school about their swearing, they’ll experience consequences like no other. Just as I wouldn’t utter inappropriate words in church (okay, maybe I would), my kids need to grasp that different environments have different standards. They can’t curse at school, or in front of their younger cousin, or their grandmother.
Moreover, I ensure that my kids recognize the significance of words. It’s not the words themselves that are offensive, but the intention behind them. There’s nothing inherently hurtful about terms like “crap” or “asshattery.” In fact, they can be quite fun to say! However, if they use hurtful language or insult someone, that behavior will land them in serious trouble.
Interestingly, I find many other words far more objectionable than typical “swear words.” For instance, using terms like “stupid” or “shut up” is strictly forbidden in our home. We opt for “oh my gosh” instead of “oh my god” to respect others’ beliefs, and any form of slurs is absolutely unacceptable.
We steer clear of sexist jokes—even the seemingly harmless ones—and if they ever mock someone who is different, they’ll receive a stern lecture from me. We avoid negative comments about people’s appearance, body size, or style choices. Gossip is also something we try to eliminate from our conversations, and we certainly don’t say unkind things behind each other’s backs. The baseline rule is simple: don’t be a jerk.
You might think I’m a lenient parent because I allow my kids to use profanity without getting upset about it, but I am a hardliner when it comes to kindness. While I don’t mind them saying the word “jerk,” I absolutely will not tolerate any behavior that resembles being one. Period.
Ultimately, my expectation is that they treat others with kindness, which is unrelated to whether they speak like a sailor or an angel. To be honest, even someone like Mother Teresa probably let a curse slip now and then.
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In summary, I’m not overly concerned about the occasional expletive that escapes my children’s lips. What truly matters is teaching them to be kind and respectful in all situations, regardless of their linguistic choices.